“There’s an invisible code as to
how the world operates — how human beings
interact with each other, how we worship, relate with
our parents, perform at work, fall in love,
make money, and stay healthy and happy.
I started my career as a computer programmer
spending hours in front of a screen
trying to understand the code of machines.
Today, I’m more obsessed with the code of
how the human world operates.”
Vishen Lakhiani
“Extraordinary Mind”, “New York Times Bestseller”, “Stop limiting your power”, “Transcend the culturescape”, “10 unconventional laws to redefine your life & succeed on your own terms”.
These 4 parts represent a gradual expansion of awareness levels:
PART I — Living in the culturescape: how you were shaped by the world around you
According to a Gallup study surveying more than 150,000 Americans, 70% of respondents said they were disengaged from their jobs. Through a quick search, I found out that disengagement can come from 3 key sources:
- Not belonging — or placelessness;
- The environment or culture of the company;
- A bad boss.
But it’s not just our ideas about careers that are faulty.
Vishen brings us more statistic data: 40–50% of U.S. marriages end in divorce; only 33% of Americans claimed to be “very happy”; 8/10 Americans have some debt, most often because of a mortgage.
The question is: today, if we live in the most technologically advanced age, with the greatest comfort and access to information ever, why are our happiness, relationships, love lives, careers and health so inadequate? How did we get here and how do we escape?
Before introducing the author’s answering, let’s talk a bit about human history and the importance of culture for human survival. According to Yuval Noah Harari, author of the Sapiens book, at a certain point in history, there could have been as many as 6 different types of humans living on the planet at once. But Homo Sapiens was the one who survived.
What helped sapiens survive? For Dr. Harari, the reason was the use of a more complex language, which enabled our sapiens ancestors to communicate complex information important to survival.
Language became the building blocks to culture. It allowed us to create a whole new world within our heads. We became better able to plan for and prevail over challenges, capable of inventing solutions to problems and then to pass these solutions, values, beliefs, customs, and rules on through language, from generation to generation. Although it was (and is) essential for our survival, safety and development, relative truths aren’t true for all human beings.
The darker side of cultures is when we get so focused on how life “should” be and label people or processes as good or bad based on the rules they follow. This is how you should live and dress. This is how women, children, the sick, the elderly, or “the different” should be treated. My beliefs or ways of living are right and yours are wrong. My tribe is superior to yours. My God is the only God.
Law 1: Transcend the Culturescape — look at the rules, beliefs and life habits based on your culture. Selectively, choose the ones to follow VS those to question and ignore.
Many of us live according to outdated rules imposed on us.
At this time, Vishen introduces us to a new concept: Brules. Brules are bullshit rules that society adopts to simplify its understanding of the world. We tend to live according to supposed models due to our need to belong, to be accept by our pairs — family, friends, coworkers, boss, and society.
Do you remember the statistical data I showed you previously?
This is the reason why our happiness, relationships, love lives, careers and health are apparently so inadequate.
Law 2: Question the Brules — when you feel that brules are out of alignment with your dreams and desires, question them. Many brules have long passed their expiration date.
Common brules world challenging:
- We should get a college degree to guarantee our success. When you look at people who don’t go to school and make their way in the world, are they losers?
- We should marry within our religion or ethinicity. Oh, is it? Actually, do we really have to get married to be “happily ever after”, or have children to “build a family”?
- We should adhere to a single religion. Do we really need religion? Millenials are adopting, more and more, the model “spiritual but not religious”.
- We must work hard to be successful. And more: if you aren’t working hard all the time, you’re lazy and won’t be successful. If you leave work before the end time, you’re not a dedicated professional (specially in the Portuguese culture).
“We might consider their lives [of the people of the Achuar tribe] bizarre, but to Achuar, we seem bizarre too. We run off to stressful jobs, leaving our kids in the care of others. We sit and state at a lit-up screen for most of the day. We consumed packaged food that has lost much of its nutrients. We pack our elders into communal homes and then worry about how to care for them. We take pills to keep from feelings fear and other emotions we believe are negative. We drink potions to stay awake. Then we take pills to put ourselves to sleep. We eat and drink too much, partly because we have more than we need and partly because we’re stressed out.”
Vishen Lakhiani
The Xs represent potential brules. When we become aware of it, we have the chance to eliminate or filter them.
Law 3: Practice consciousness engineering — conscious engineering is a tool for influencing the world and creating your own growth, which depends on two things: (1) your beliefs, ideas and values; (2) your habits/ daily activities.
Our beliefs (the author called them “models of reality”) are programmed by the grew up in.
Our definition of what is normal is nothing more than what is embedded into our society, what is usual and blindly accepted.
So, the question is: What ideas and values do you choose to believe? How do you choose to live, learn and growth? What can you do daily to follow this path, towards your desires and beliefs?
Law 4: Rewrite your models of reality — seek to have beliefs that empower you to feel good about yourself and powerful in shifting the world to match the visions in your mind.
Your beliefs impacts the way you act, communicate, and influence the people around you.
If you believe you’re not good enough, you’ll tend to depreciate your ideas, your value as a professional, brother/sister , father/ mother, boyfriend/ girlfriend, husband/ wife.
You can also believe that you’re not pretty enough, mature enough, experienced enough, or that you are too old or young to do something new.
The impact starts on you (everything starts in you), but it becomes much greater for others, and even for the world, who knows.
Exercises that can help you in this point:
(A) The Gratitude Exercise: think of 3 to 5 things you’re grateful today (mainly the smallest and simplest).
(B) The “What I love about myself” Exercise: for a few minutes each day, think of 3 to 5 qualities or actions that made you proud.
Law 5: Upgrade your systems for living — consistently spend time discovering, upgrading, and measuring new rituals or activities applied to your life, work, heart and soul.
"I think it’s very important to have a feedback loop, where you’re constantly thinking about what you’ve done and how you could be doing it better. I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself."Elon Musk
Vishen interviewed Richard Branson, a British businessman who started 8 different companies in 8 different industries and taken all of them to a billion dollars.
If you could summarize in own sentence how you did it, what would you say?, asked Vishen.
Richard answered: It’s all about finding and hiring people smarter than you, getting them to join your business and giving them good work, then getting out of the way and trusting them. You have to get out of the way so you can focus on the bigger vision. That’s important, but here is the main thing: You must make them see their work as a mission.
That’s the Richard’s “system” for starting game-changing companies.
What’s yours for enhance your creativity, pursue the career you desire, have a great health (physical, mental and spiritual) and deep relationships?
PART III— Recoding yourself: transforming your inner world
Ok, at the moment, we already understood the importance of being awake both to the exterior and interior world.
On the one hand, we observe the (exterior) rules embedded in society and question them:
Why do I do/think/act/live this way?
Because is it a real desire or is it what it’s supposed to do?
On the other hand, we have to look inside, at our beliefs, values, ideas, and rituals.
Your awareness will never be the same!
I often say that this is a path of no return!
Even before reading this book, I already questioned the “should’s”, the career, the way of working, the relationships, the concept of success.
This book has confirmed that external and internal questioning is the way to live according to our ideals. However, it is not easy at all! It isn’t easy to break rules, to feel that we have disappointed the people we love. The human being needs belonging.
But what’s the cost to pay for living a life that is not yours?
It’s the life that others want you to live.
Law 6: Bend reality — have bold and exciting visions for the FUTURE, leave a mark on the world, while you’re happy in the NOW. This balance allows you to move toward your visions at a much faster rate while having a ton of fun along the way. To outsiders, you’ll seem “lucky”.
Anxiety, frustration, worry: you often feel it, don’t you?
In these states, our mind is in the future, anticipating problems and chasing after a happiness that is always ahead there.
Enjoying the now seems to be the key to balance these emotions.
Let’s do a “test” to check your status in this regard.
Answer Not at all true, Sometimes true and Very true to the following statements:
(1) I love my current job to the point where it does not feel like work.
(2) My work is meaningful to me.
(3) There are often moments at work that make me so happy the time just flies by.
(4) When things go wrong, I don’t worry at all. I just know something good is on the horizon.
(5) I feel excited about my future, knowing even better things are always on their way.
(6) Stress and anxiety don’t seem to faze me much. I trust in my ability to attain my goals.
(7) I look forward to the future because I have unique and bold goals on the horizon.
(8) I spend a good amount of time thinking excitedly about my visions for the future.
According to Vishen, if you answered
“Very true” to statements 1–4, you’re likely happy in the now;
to statements 5–8, you likely have a good vision for your future;
for all 8 statements, you’re likely in the state of bending reality.
Most people, however, find that they tend to be able to answer “Very true” to either the happiness-related statements or to the vision-related questions, but not both.
Law 7: Live in Blissipline — Blissipline is the discipline of daily bliss. Happiness comes from within. Start with this in the now and use it to drive all your other visions and intentions.
"Q:How is it possible to be happy
when seeing so much misery and tragedy every day?
A: But who can you help if you’re unhappy?"
Dalai Lama
Vishen states that blissipline consists of 3 key points:
1The Power of Gratitude
Focusing on the good things that have already happened in our lives provides instant happiness in the now. The author proposes to exercise daily gratitude by spending a few minutes thinking about 3–5 things we’re grateful in our personal and work life.
2Forgiveness
Letting go of grudges and anger gives us a huge sense of compassion. Each situation that hurt us, each person who has entered our lives, carries a great lesson. Instead of nurturing hatred and rancor, why not ask: “What did I learn from this? How did this situation change and impact my life, my personality, who I am?”
3The Practice of Giving
“To be happy, make others happy. Giving is the path for doing this.”, Dalai Lama said. List all the things you could give to other — time, love, understanding, compassion, skills, ideas, wisdom, energy, physical help. Think about where you could give help, follow your intuition and take action.
Law 8: Create a vision for your future — free from expectations of the culturescape. Create a vision focused on end goals that strike a direct chord with your happiness.
Most of us are asked to choose a career before we can legally buy a beer.
Goal setting can be dangerous to an untrained mind. You could end up somewhere you don’t want to be.
We’re trained to set “means goals” rather than “end goals”.
In practice, Means goals are a means to an end; for instance, get a good grade, so you can graduate from a good college, so you can get a good job and good promotions at work, so you can make lots of money, so you can afford a nice house, car, etc. Means goals usually have a “so” in them and are often about conforming to brules.
In opposition, End goals are about experiencing love, traveling around the world, contributing to the planet because doing so gives us meaning, or learning a new skill for the pure joy of it. They bring joy in themselves, not because they confer any label, standard or value attached by society. They are often feelings. They are the experiences that create the best memories in our lives.
Vishen shows us the 3 most important questions that can help us get straight to the end goals that really matter in our life:
1What experiences do you want to have?
If time and money were no object and you didn’t have to seek anyone’s permission, what kinds of experiences would your soul crave?
2How do you want to grow?
In order to have the experiences above, how do you have to grow? What sort of people do you need to evolve into?
3How do you want to contribute?
If you have the experiences above and have grown in these remarkable ways, then how can you give back to the world?
PART IV— Becoming Extraordinary: Changing the World
Offering people simple little gifts or reminders to help them grow, and which are aligned with their dreams, isn’t just a way of showing that we care.
We are making someone totally light up as they recognize that their dreams are supported by others.
Law 9: Be Unfuckwithable — look at you and realize how enough you are. Be truly at peace with yourself and the world around you, without needing the validation or praise from others to attain your goals.
We live our lives trying to prove that we’re enough. Sometimes it’s a drive to take dreams out of the drawer; sometimes the fear of judgment and criticism is so great that it petrifies us.
Vishen suggests us some exercises to become immune to others’ behaviors, criticism or judgement:
(1) talk to yourself in the mirror — for self-love;(2) self-gratitude — for appreciating yourself;(3) becoming present — to remove sudden fear and anxiety.
Q: If it’s true that “I’m enough” and if we don’t need to get validation or praise from others, what is the driving force that pushes us to do big things in the world? What would prevent us from just being happy couch potatoes, doing nothing but enjoying the present?
A: “If you sit on the couch all day and do nothing, it is precisely because you don’t think you’re enough. You’re afraid. You’re afraid of failure. You’re afraid of rejection. You’re afraid that those things will be proof positive that you indeed are not enough. So you do nothing. But if you believe you’re enough, that’s when you take action. That’s when you go out and try something new. That’s when you apply for that job you really want. That’s when you ask for that raise. Because you’re enough. And even if you fail, you won’t take rejection personally because it’s not you, and because you know you’re enough, you know you can then improve those methods and skills and your approaches and then try again”
Marisa Peer
Law 10: Embrace your Quest — extraordinary minds are motivated by a quest or calling, a drive to create some positive change in the world. This drive propels them forward in life and helps to gain meaning and make a meaningful contribution.
According to Vishen, the most extraordinary people in the world do not have careers.
What they have is a calling. It’s a passion. It’s meaningful.
You’d probably do it for no money. It may be a book you’re working on, or dedicating your life to raising remarkable children.
Santori: big insights that happen suddenly and change you forever. Kensho: it’s the Universe giving you tough love.
Sometimes you have to destroy a part of your life to let the next big thing enter.Behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself.Behind every question, there’s an answer trying to reveal itself.Behind every answer, there’s an action trying to take place.Behind every action, there’s a way of life trying to be born. → your calling.
The last question is “Do you choose your calling, or does your calling choose you?”
Michael Jackson believed that Nature look for people to create.
In his documentary, Michael Jackson’s This Is It, Michael used to call his manager all the time at like 3, 4, 5 a.m. The manager was saying Mike would be like, “Fireflies. We need fireflies.”. He would be like, “Michael, it’s four in the morning. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” And Michael would say, “No, I need you to write it down. I need you to get up and write it down. Fireflies.” And his manager would say, “Why? We’ll talk about it tomorrow,”. He’s like, “If we don’t do it, Prince will.”
It’s like Nature trying to create all the time and looking for people who are awake.
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the book Big Magic, also states the same:
“I believe inspiration will always try its best to work with you — but if you’re not ready or available, it may indeed choose to leave you and to search for a different human collaboration.”
Conclusion: several concepts covered in this book were not new for me, and probably, not even for you. Anyway, each author’s approach is unique, bringing new insights and questions that lead us to different reflections. And our memory needs to be refreshed from time to time.
What was your biggest insight?
Vishen Lakhiani
The Code of the Extraordinary Mind
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