Its a part of me

Christian Hjortland

Our lives are not immune to the impacts of time,

nor is our mind between the tensions of love and hate.

That's why I curse this wanderlust heart -

still searching for that wandering star.

without a guide - without a love to call my own.

I try not to look back, but sometimes certain scents, 

remind me of things that saw me as a minority.

A summer heart misplaced in winter's wickedness,

a child frozen in the passages of a stolen childhood.

Ingredients of my life are a juxtaposition of flavours,

finding purity among diseased hearts, 

fighting against principles of corrupt minds

and I hurt nobody - until they pushed me,

it was never about the physical - but the mental.

Silence is different in adolescence -

suppressed into a protective bubble,

you reject the harshness of existence.

My small hands could not hold the burdens,

so I was mute as demons slayed my father,

his anger drowning my brothers into darkness.

Tears of my mother, dehydrated my soul,

so I grew like a tree with broken branches -

sometimes naked, sometimes an abundance of green.

Even in an obscure world of nightmares,

my heart was a light bulb, full of dreams -

but misplaced in a place of misunderstanding.

I adopted silence in the violence,

because I struggled with reality's fabrications.

Fatherless,

I found acceptance in the war on the streets,

where love was poison, but hate brought prosperity.

Only surviving due to my father's name,

yet I knew it was an unwinnable game.

My hands were pacifying guns, 

so I learned to exist without bullets.

I was a black sheep in a strange white herd,

opposing shepherds who couldn't tolerate me.

A clean soul in a dirty social order -

a peaceful heart seeking a place to call home.

Silence is a choice in adulthood.

I used to ignore the pain from unhealed wounds,

but today the inner child screams and shouts,

because oppressors can no longer mute my tongue.

Death taught me not to be bitter,

stubborn fingers how to bleed ink onto paper -

showing compassion in an ugly world.

If life was so simple, we wouldn't look at it differently.

Our perceptions are based on what we have learned,

what was, what is to come and what we search for.

Where you end up depends on how you deal with the past.

Silent One