sexta-feira, 22 de maio de 2026

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING








Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask; I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but
Don’t be fooled, please don’t be fooled.

I give the impression that I’m secure,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game, that
The water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need
No one.
But don’t believe me. Please don’t.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear, in
Aloneness.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and I fear being
Exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant, sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation.
And I know it.
That is, if that glance is followed by acceptance, if
It’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself.
From my own self-built prison walls, from the
Barriers that I so painstakenly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t
Assure myself, that I’m really worth something.

But I don’t tell you this.
I don’t dare. I’m afraid to
I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m just no
Good, and that you’ll see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game, with a
Façade of assurance on the outside, and a trembling
Child within.

And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering but
Empty parade of masks
And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing
Of that which is everything, of what’s crying within me.

Do when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled
By what I’m saying.
Please listen, carefully and try to hear what I’m NOT
Saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what, for
Survival, I need to say, but I can’t say.

I dislike hiding. Honestly, I do.
I dislike the superficial, phony game.
I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me;
But you’ve got to help me

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of
The breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging, each
Time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very
Feeble wings, but wings with your sensitivity and
Sympathy and your power of understanding.

You can breathe life into me. I want you to know that,
I want you to know how important you are to me, that you
Can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to.

Please choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind
Which I tremble; you alone can remove my mask.
So do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness
Builds strong walls.
But I’m told that love is stronger than strong walls,
And in this lies my hope. My only hope.

Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands
But with gentle hands – for a child is very sensitive
And I AM a child.

Who am I? You may wonder.

I am someone you know very well,

For I am every man you meet and every woman you meet.



Cardinal Deardon





Most "Good People" Are Only One Crowd Away From Evil


Alla, Adobe Stock





 The terrifying truth about ordinary kindness




Many people assume that ordinary people are inherently kind, as if “kindness” is a default attribute everyone is born with. But the reality is far more brutal—most ordinary people actually don’t have the ability to be truly kind at all.

True kindness is rare. 
It requires genuine empathy, the ability to feel pain for people who have no direct interest relationship with you. It requires enough wisdom to see through the chains of interests and real causes behind things. It also requires real action and capability, the ability to actually help the other person, rather than just indulging in self-satisfaction in your own mind.

Yet the vast majority of people only ever care about themselves.

The little bit of “care” they occasionally show others is mostly just to make themselves feel better emotionally. This is not kindness, this is emotion management. 
Once their emotions are soothed, whatever is happening outside has nothing to do with them anymore. Their thinking is shallow, and they are particularly easily manipulated by the media and propaganda. In the algorithm era, everyone is trapped in their own information cocoon, seeing only what the platform wants them to see. Over time, they can only shout along with everyone else and follow the crowd.

When propaganda says something is good, they act kind. 
When propaganda says something is evil, they can shout the loudest, act the most ruthlessly, and still firmly believe they stand on the side of justice. 
This is the truly terrifying part.


Take some places in China, for example. 
Many ordinary people harbor intense hatred toward Japanese people today. 
They take the crimes committed by the Kwantung Army decades ago and pin them all on ordinary Japanese people living and working in China now. 
In recent years, there have been multiple cases where ordinary Chinese people violently attacked Japanese nationals in China, even causing deaths and injuries. 
In the eyes of the perpetrators themselves, they were “seeking justice for the country,” upholding justice, and doing good. They might admit their methods were a bit extreme, but they will never acknowledge that their motives were evil.

Mediocrity plus stupidity most easily produces evil wrapped in the cloak of kindness.

These people are usually not the masterminds, but the most enthusiastic accomplices. 
Once their emotions are ignited, they happily serve as the knife. 
After it’s over, they eat and sleep just fine, because in their worldview, they are always the good guys.

True kindness is completely different. 
  1. It requires an independent personality that refuses to be hijacked by group emotions. 
  2. It requires a clear mind that can see through lies and appearances. 
  3. It requires even more courage, the courage to stand alone when everyone else has gone mad with frenzy, and to bear the consequences.

Hannah Arendt said that the greatest evil often comes not from evil people, but from people who do not think. The funny thing is, most people who quote this line automatically assume they belong to the thoughtful minority, it never once occurs to them that they too cannot see the edges of their own understanding.

These qualities are extremely rare in any era. 
Truly kind people are often the misunderstood minority.

Mediocrity and stupidity can never produce kindness, they only mass-produce ignorant evil, including those who most vigorously flaunt their own “kindness” on their social media feeds.



Neo Shakya



quinta-feira, 21 de maio de 2026

Touched By An Angel


Robin Skjoldborg






 We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.


Maya Angelou




Why Do I Feel Worse After I Am Finally Safe?

 



Experiencing a psychological or emotional "crash" 
only after a period of intense crisis resolves 
is a common phenomenon. 
When the immediate threat is gone, your nervous system 
no longer needs to run on survival mode, 
allowing accunulated exhaustion, unprocessed trauma, and 
delayed stress to surface.



A post-crisis "crash" happens because your nervous system shifts from survival to safety. Once the threat passes, adrenaline and cortisol drop, triggering an emotional and physical collapse.  

Trauma recovery is often described in stages. For many people, having a framework can bring a sense of clarity and reassurance – especially when healing feels uncertain or slow.

At the same time, it’s important to approach any model of the process of trauma healing with care. Recovery does not unfold in a perfectly linear way, and no two people move through the stages of trauma processing in exactly the same way.

As clinical psychologists, we often use stage-based frameworks as guides rather than strict rules. They can help make sense of what you’re experiencing, while still allowing space for the complexity of real-life healing.

There is no single universally agreed-upon set of trauma healing stages. However, many evidence-based approaches converge on a phased model of recovery.


Your life finally starts to feel more peaceful.

You find your place in the world, have more time for yourself, enter a safe relationship, or finally leave a highly stressful environment behind. Maybe you go on a three-week holiday in paradise after months or years of pressure and exhaustion. Surprisingly, these are often the moments when unprocessed material begins to surface and manifest in unexpected ways. Anxiety, exhaustion, emotional overwhelm, physical symptoms, intrusive thoughts, or even old memories may appear only after life becomes calmer. This can feel deeply confusing. 

Many people expect healing to feel immediately relieving and holidays to bring relaxation after prolonged stress. Instead, some begin struggling precisely when things finally become more stable.

From a nervous system perspective, this paradox can make a great deal of sense.

We "fall apart" after reaching safety because our nervous system finally drops its guard. 
While in danger or chronic stress, the body runs on emergency fuel. 
Once true safety arrives, the brain no longer needs to suppress feelings for survival, leading to an overwhelming flood of postponed exhaustion and emotions. 


The delayed collapse is a natural, biological response to exiting survival mode. This phenomenon—often explored in psychology and trauma recovery—occurs for several core reasons: 

  • The Adrenaline Letdown: During crises, the body relies on stress hormones (like cortisol and adrenaline) to keep us functioning. When the threat passes, hormone levels drop, resulting in profound fatigue, illness, or emotional crashes.
  • Delayed Processing: The brain prioritizes survival over feeling. Traumatic emotions, grief, and exhaustion are often stored away because processing them would slow you down. Safety gives the subconscious permission to unpack these heavy emotions.
  • The Unfamiliarity of Calm: If you have lived with chronic stress or trauma for a long time, chaos feels familiar. When calm finally arrives, the brain may misinterpret the lack of alertness as vulnerability or boredom, triggering sudden anxiety.
  • You Are Healing, Not Breaking: The tears, exhaustion, and feeling of falling apart are not signs that you are failing. They are physical indicators that your body finally trusts the present environment enough to release the burdens of the past. 


This delayed collapse is typically understood through a four-stage psychological progression:
1. The Hysterical Strength & Survival Phase
2. The Relief & Decompression Phase
3. The Crashing & Processing Phase
4. Integration & Reconstruction Phase

These four stages map the mind and body's acute response and subsequent recovery from a major crisis, trauma, or burnout event. Understanding this trajectory helps normalize the severe physical and emotional exhaustion that inevitably follows a period of extreme stress.


The Brain Prioritizes Survival First

During prolonged stress, the brain and body focus primarily on survival rather than emotional processing or recovery. When the nervous system perceives ongoing danger, stress systems remain activated to help us keep functioning. The amygdala, the brain’s threat detection system, becomes more sensitive, while areas of the prefrontal cortex involved in emotional regulation, self-awareness, and contextual processing become less active.

As a result, many people enter a kind of survival autopilot. Energy is directed toward getting through the day, maintaining performance, avoiding collapse, or staying emotionally functional enough to continue. Research in trauma neuroscience suggests that chronic stress can also disrupt interoception — the brain’s ability to accurately perceive internal bodily states. In survival mode, people may become surprisingly disconnected from their own exhaustion, emotional distress, tension, or even physical symptoms. 

  • For some individuals, this appears as hypervigilance, anxiety, irritability, overthinking, or difficulty relaxing. 
  • For others, the nervous system shifts toward numbness, shutdown, dissociation, or emotional detachment. Both are adaptive responses as the nervous system is attempting to protect the body under overwhelming conditions.

Interestingly, many people function remarkably well during prolonged stress. 
Some become highly productive, emotionally controlled, or intensely achievement-oriented. 
From the outside, everything may appear stable or even successful. But maintaining chronic survival states requires enormous physiological effort. Over time, the accumulated stress load can begin affecting sleep, digestion, immune function, memory, emotional regulation, hormonal balance, and the body’s ability to recover and restore itself.

Yet symptoms often do not fully emerge during the stressful period itself. They frequently appear later, when the system finally detects enough safety to stop suppressing what it has been carrying.

This is your acute "fight-or-flight" response. 
When faced with a crisis or extreme stressor, your sympathetic nervous system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. 
What happens: Your physical capabilities and focus surge, allowing you to bypass normal physical or emotional limits to navigate the immediate danger or emergency.
The drawback: This state relies on borrowed energy and is purely intended for short-term survival; it cannot be sustained indefinitely.

The brain and body are in constant communication. 
When stress, fear, or unresolved emotions are present, the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) takes precedence, releasing cortisol and adrenaline to prepare for action. This creates a cycle of hyper-vigilance, where even moments of stillness feel like something to be endured rather than embraced.
Tension, in this way, is not just a tight muscle—it’s a reflection of an overburdened nervous system.

The goal of this stage is simple but foundational: 
Ground the nervous system, establish clear boundaries, and reclaim a sense of control over the present moment. Nothing deeper can happen until this is in place.


The Destabilization and Decompression Phase

When external pressure decreases, the nervous system may begin transitioning out of survival mode. Paradoxically, this is often when previously suppressed symptoms start surfacing. As safety, stability, or relational trust increase, the nervous system may gradually allow access to emotions, memories, bodily sensations, and exhaustion that previously had to remain outside awareness in order to keep functioning. People often interpret this as “suddenly falling apart,” but in many cases the nervous system is doing the opposite: it is finally shifting out of emergency management.

The brain essentially decides:
Now it may finally be safe enough to feel.

As these defenses begin to relax, the nervous system does not always return immediately to balance.

This occurs right after the immediate threat passes or the crisis is resolved. 
Your body receives the signal that it is finally safe to stand down. 
What happens: The adrenaline wears off, and you experience an overwhelming rush of relief. Your nervous system shifts from a state of high alert into a sudden, deep physical and mental letdown.
The drawback: As the threat leaves, all the physical and emotional tension you were holding onto abruptly floods in.

In trauma recovery, the destabilization and decompression phase (often referred to as Safety and Stabilization) is the foundational step. Its goal is to interrupt survival mode, regulate the nervous system, and build coping skills before deeply processing traumatic memories. 
During a traumatic event, your nervous system gets stuck in a hypervigilant "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" state. Over time, this reflex forms a physical and emotional "armor" (chronic muscle tension, shallow breathing) that keeps the body perpetually on edge, even when you are safe.

When the adrenaline of a crisis finally fades, you often enter a phase of destabilization. 
As the initial shock wears off, the brain stops trying to protect you through denial or dissociation and begins to flood your conscious mind with the reality of what happened.Your mind is attempting to make sense of the overwhelming events, which can temporarily feel chaotic and exhausting, but is ultimately a healthy sign of beginning to accept reality.

This involves managing disruptive symptoms like insomnia or intense shame so they do not interfere with your daily life.
You learn to identify triggers, regulate intense emotions, and manage everyday anxieties.
This prevents the brain from becoming overly flooded, ensuring that you have the internal resources and resiliency required to heal in subsequent phases


The Crashing and Processing Phase

The recalibration phase is the critical recovery window when your body shifts from "fight-or-flight" (sympathetic) mode back to a stable baseline. It requires actively repairing depleted energy and resetting your nervous system's reactivity, rather than just masking the symptoms of burnout. 

Nervous system recalibration is a foundational shift, not an overnight fix. 
While minor daily habits offer immediate relief, long-term recovery involves predictable milestones. 
  • Your system learns how to return to a calm state more frequently and your window of tolerance expands.
  • Resilience increases; you will find that fewer things trigger an intense stress response.
  • The body instinctively knows how to move fluidly between activation and rest without getting stuck. 
  • Your baseline state shifts from activation to regulation
  • Your window of tolerance expands (more things feel manageable)
  • Your system learns to move fluidly between activation and rest
  • You develop the capacity to feel without getting stuck in feeling
  • Your body begins to recognize safety again

It's about reorganizing how your nervous system responds to life at a foundational level.
This isn't a quick fix. It's a restructuring.
And it requires consistent practice over time—not because you're broken, but because your nervous system learned its current patterns through repetition. It needs repetition to learn new ones.

1: Recognition
The first phase is simply learning to notice what's happening in your body without judgment.

Most people operate on autopilot, completely disconnected from their internal experience. You don't realize you've been holding your breath. You don't notice the tension building until it's overwhelming.

Recognition is about developing awareness of your nervous system states as they're happening.

What does activation feel like in your body? 
Where do you feel it? 
What cues tell you you're moving toward dysregulation?

You can't change patterns you can't see.

2:Resourcing
Once you can recognize your patterns, the second phase is building resources—practices that help your nervous system shift states.

This is where you develop a toolkit of regulation practices: breathwork, movement, grounding techniques, rest practices like Yoga Nidra.

But here's what makes this different from stress management: you're practicing these tools when you're already somewhat regulated, not just when you're in crisis.
You're teaching your nervous system new pathways through repetition while it's calm enough to actually learn. You're building capacity, not just managing symptoms.

3:Integration
The third phase is where recalibration becomes embodied. The practices stop feeling like something you "do" and start becoming how you naturally respond to life.
Your nervous system begins to default to regulation instead of dysregulation. The new patterns become more automatic than the old ones.
You still experience stress, but you don't get stuck in it. You can activate when needed and return to baseline afterward.

This is what lasting change feels like. Not perfect calm, but genuine flexibility.

When your nervous system begins to recalibrate, the changes are subtle at first. 
You might not even notice them consciously.

Then one day you realize:

You took a full breath without thinking about it.

You slept through the night without waking.

Something that would have sent you spiraling last month felt manageable.

You felt an emotion without it consuming you.

Your body settled after stress instead of staying wired.

You had energy that matched your day instead of crashing at 2 PM.


These aren't dramatic moments. They're quiet recalibrations of your baseline.

And they compound. Each regulated moment teaches your nervous system that regulation is possible. That safety is real. That you can trust your body to find its way back to center.

Once the initial relief settles, you enter the inevitable "payback" period where the nervous system balances its accounts.
What happens: You may feel profound exhaustion, burnout, or a "crash." This is the period of feeling drained, foggy, or overwhelmed as the brain begins to process and make sense of the stressful event.
The drawback: It can be frightening, as the sheer depletion of energy can mimic depression, extreme fatigue, or heightened anxiety. 


The Integration and  Reconstruction Phase

This is the long-term, restorative stage where you rebuild yourself and your life in the aftermath of the crisis.
What happens: You move from survival mode into active healing and adaptation. You learn to integrate the experience into your life story, rebuild your physical or emotional reserves, and establish healthier coping mechanisms.
The outcome: It fosters resilience, helping you move forward with new perspectives and emotional regulation skills.

After trauma memories have been safely processed and adaptively restructured, people enter the Integration and Rehabilitation phase. This stage is crucial for translating therapeutic gains into sustainable changes, personal growth, and meaningful reintegration into daily life.

  • Facilitate a coherent narrative that integrates traumatic experiences into a person’s personal history.
  • Encourage cognitive, emotional, and somatic integration to solidify adaptive memory reconsolidation.
  • Promote acceptance, compassion, and self-understanding of the impact of trauma on identity.
  • Constructing coherent life stories that include trauma but emphasize resilience, meaning, and growth.
  • Support the reconstruction of self-identity, disrupted by trauma, promoting authenticity, autonomy, and self-efficacy.
  • Foster exploration and redefinition of personal values, beliefs, and life direction.
  • Facilitate post-traumatic growth and the cultivation of resilience.
  • Clarify personal values, redefine purpose, and rediscover a sense of meaning post-trauma.
  • Identifying and reinforcing personal strengths, resilience factors, and capacities developed through trauma processing.

Late phase therapy involves consolidation of gains, achieving a more solid and stable sense of self, and increasing skills in creating healthy interactions with the external world. 

The resolution of the all-encompassing and overwhelming past events reduces patients’ inevitable narcissistic preoccupation with their symptoms and difficulties, and allows them to have more appreciation of others as separate individuals. Moreover, an empowered sense of self leads patients to have increased confidence in their abilities to participate successfully in interpersonal relationships and other activities in ways that previously eluded them.
Judith Lewis Herman

Judith Lewis Herman argues that trauma separates people from people – it disconnects. 
Part of recovery, therefore, is to encourage reconnection.

Some will find it difficult to fully embrace this final stage of moving on because it represents entirely new territory, and they may feel that they have no map or guide for it. 
A large part of this final phase work can consist of adjusting to this new identity and life, and developing the self-esteem and positive self-identity, as well as the life skills and understanding of social ‘rules’, to be able to function healthily in these challenging new domains.

It is not surprising that this stage is so often accompanied by a great deal of grief: 
for lost opportunities, and for the burden of symptoms that so frequently prevent a survivor from experiencing positive physical health, family life, career success and enjoyment of life. 

It is not surprising that many struggle with this phase of the work, as the full force of their feelings – anger, rage, resentment, hatred, outrage, indignation, amongst many others – are experienced and felt, perhaps for the first time. The injustice of all their losses may be keenly felt, and it can take some time to process these feelings adequately so that a new life can be established, rather than sabotaged because of the ungrieved losses of their traumatised past.

The clinical literature suggests that the best long-term outcomes are associated with higher levels of integration of parts of the personality, although it is generally accepted that clients may redissociate at later points when under extreme stress, even if they present in day-to-day life as fully ‘integrated’. Integration does not imply the absence of ‘parts’: rather, integration refers to an overall process of connecting and associating previously disconnected (dissociated) mental processes.

Integration is an ongoing process of undoing all aspects of dissociative dividedness that begins long before there is any reduction in the number or distinctness of the identities, persists through their fusion, and continues at a deeper level even after the identities have blended into one. It denotes an ongoing process.
Richard Kluft

This is the challenge, and the reward, of final phase: reclaiming the world. 
The person can discover, or rediscover, aspirations and ambitions. 
Although there is much mourning to be done for what has, irrevocably, been lost, nevertheless the ultimate purpose of mourning is to clear the ground for new crops to be sown

This phase work helps the survivor see that, although he or she has been a victim, revictimisation is not a certainty and skills can be learned to protect against it; safe relationships can be nurtured whilst building boundaries to protect against unsafe relationships. 
In effective phase work, the person learns from the past, but also learns to live free through the choices that they can make now as an adult.

Having come to terms with the traumatic past, the survivor faces the task of creating a future. 
She has mourned the old self that the trauma destroyed; now she must develop a new self. 
Her relationships have been tested and forever changed by the trauma; now she must develop new relationships. 
The old beliefs that gave meaning to her life have been challenged; now she must find a new sustaining faith. 
These are the tasks of the third stage of recovery. In accomplishing this work, the survivor reclaims her world.
Judith Lewis Herman

The emphasis is on reintegration, rebuilding self-concept and preparing for the future. 
  1. It is essential to ensure that the person sustainably adapt to life after trauma by consolidating coping strategies and building resilience.
  2. It requires flexibility, firm grounding in reality, and a deep understanding of inner transformations.
  3. It is essential to prevent relapses and to durably integrate what has been learnt.
  4. It is a springboard to recovery. 
  5. It is an individual, non-linear process that continues after the formal end of therapy and during which the person regains a sense of control over their life and redefines their identity beyond the trauma.
  6. It is reconnecting and rebuilding the individual after treating the trauma. The aim is to help people re-engage with the outside world, re-establish healthy social and professional relationships and rebuild a more positive and functional selfconcept.

It is important during this final stage that you devote time and energy to taking care of yourself.  According to Herman, this means taking care of your body, your environment, your material needs, and your relationships with others.

The goal is to emerge with a sense of empowerment and reconnection. 
 In this process you may revisit some issues related to safety that you did in the first stage.  
You may need to re-establish a sense of safety as you approach reconnecting with others.

Now there is the capacity to revisit old hopes and dreams.  
This is an opportunity to create a new self.

Letting go and forgiving yourself even if you had no control over the event is possible at this time.  The positive aspects of yourself can be embraced now.  
They become incorporated into your new self.
You now feel that you can protect yourself.  


Erik Erickson developed the Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development.  
They include a sense of autonomy, initiative, competence, identity and intimacy. 

You focus on issues of identity and intimacy.  The trauma should have receded to the past and there will likely not be barriers to intimacy as there were in the past.

Recovery may not be 100% complete.  
Under stress, the PTSD symptoms may recur.  
But now you know how to take care of yourself and stay within your Window of Tolerance, and that will help you tremendously during these times.



A lot of people expect safety to feel like relief.

They imagine that once the danger is gone, once the relationship ends, once the environment changes, their body will finally exhale. That they’ll sleep better. That their anxiety will quiet. That healing will feel like forward movement.

And then safety arrives, and everything gets worse.

More panic. More intrusive thoughts. More grief. More exhaustion. Sometimes more flashbacks. Sometimes emotions that feel completely disproportionate to what’s happening now.

If that’s been your experience, nothing has gone wrong.

When you’re actively unsafe, your body is not trying to heal. It’s trying to survive. It suppresses anything that might slow you down. It postpones grief. It stores fear without fully letting you feel it. 
It keeps you functional, even if that functionality comes at a high cost.
Your nervous system doesn’t ask whether something is healthy or sustainable. It asks whether something is survivable. And processing trauma is often not survivable when you’re still inside it.

So when the threat finally ends, your body receives a different signal. 
It no longer has to brace in the same way. It no longer has to keep everything tightly contained. 
That’s often when the feelings you couldn’t afford to feel begin to surface.
This is why so many people experience an increase in panic attacks after leaving dificult situations. 
Why emotions crash in after moving to a safer environment. 
Why depression can show up once stability is finally there. 
Why grief appears when things quiet down.

Your body isn’t reacting to the present moment. It’s responding to everything it held back.

This can feel terrifying, especially when it’s framed as regression. 
People tell themselves they should be better by now. That they handled worse before, so this shouldn’t be so hard. That something must be wrong because the danger is gone but the pain is louder.
But what’s often happening isn’t backsliding. It’s delayed processing.

You didn’t suddenly become weaker. You became safer.

Safety removes the need for emotional suppression. 
And when suppression lifts, what was underneath doesn’t always come out gently or in order.

A lot of the overwhelm comes from the fact that these feelings arrive without their original context. Your nervous system doesn’t neatly label them as “then” instead of “now.” It just knows it finally has enough space to release what it’s been holding.

This is also why grounding can feel harder during the process. 
You’re no longer numb. You’re no longer running purely on adrenaline. 
You’re present in a body that remembers more than you consciously do.

That doesn’t mean leaving was a mistake. 
It means your body trusts the present enough to reveal the past.

There’s often a specific kind of shame that shows up here. 
People think they should be grateful. That they should be calm. 
That safety should automatically feel peaceful.
But safety doesn’t undo conditioning. It creates the conditions where undoing can begin.

Struggling now doesn’t invalidate how strong you were then. Falling apart in safe spaces doesn’t mean you’re broken. It often means you’re no longer alone with what you carried.

Healing doesn’t usually start while survival is still required. It starts in the space that survival makes possible.

You spent a long time holding everything together. It makes sense that when you stop holding, things fall. And it makes sense that learning how to stand without bracing takes time.




RESOURCES: 

Magda Agatha, Reclaim Your Nervous System
April Goff, Trauma Survivors 
My Life Psychologists 
Roseanne Reilly, CPTSD Foundation 
Alandi Stec, Nervous System Insights 
Psychotraumatology 
Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery 
Carolyn Spring 
Carol Fredrek, Healing Matters




terça-feira, 19 de maio de 2026

Let them



Pamela Hanné





Just Let them.

If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.

If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, 
LET THEM

If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.

If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.

If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM


Let them lose you.

You were never theirs, because you were always your own.

So let them.

Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.

Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.

Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.

Let them earn your forgiveness.

Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.

Let them take you out on a Thursday.

Let them talk about anything and everything just because 
it's you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn't harden.

Let them love you.



Cassie Phillips




Epigenetics, what can we change in us

 




While epigenetic modifications 
can be modified by lifestyle, 
they are complex systems.


  1. Epigenetics refers to the way your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work.
  2. Epigenetics turns genes "on" and "off."
  3. Your epigenetics change as you age, both as part of normal development and aging and because of exposure to environmental factors that happen over the course of your life.
  4. Epigenetic changes can affect your health in different ways.
  5. Epigenetics change as you age as part of normal development.
  6. Certain diseases can change your epigenetics. In addition, some epigenetic changes can make you more likely to develop certain diseases, such as cancer.
  7. Epigenetics can change in response to your behaviors and environment.


There are various epigenetic influences on humans by different sources present in the environment. While some of these might be beneficial for health and behavior, others might be harmful and interfere with the body and mind creating an imbalance, which might manifest as a disease or psychological disorder. 

Some of the beneficial influences listed are exercise, microbiome (beneficial intestinal bacteria), and alternative medicine whereas harmful influences include exposure to toxic chemicals and drugs of abuse. 

Factors such as diet, seasonal changes, financial status, psychological state, social interactions, therapeutic drugs, and disease exposure might have beneficial or harmful effects depending on the specific nature of the influence. 

The environment thus complements and shapes human health. With the help of extended research in the field, we might be able to steer these influences in a positive way.

Enzymatic activity in response to the environment promotes addition or removal of epigenetic tags on DNA and/or chromatin, sparking a cavalcade of changes that affect cellular memory transiently, permanently or with a heritable alteration. 

The literal meaning of the term epigenetic is “on top of or in addition to genetics.” The series of chemical tags that modify DNA and its associated structures constitute the epigenome, and include any genetic expression modifier independent of the DNA sequence of a gene. 

The genome defines the complete set of genetic information contained in the DNA, residing within the cells of each organism. 
The epigenome, on the other hand, comprises the complex modifications associated with genomic DNA, imparting a unique cellular and developmental identity.

The epigenome integrates the information encoded in the genome with all the molecular and chemical cues of cellular, extracellular, and environmental origin. Along with the genome, the epigenome instructs the unique gene expression program of each cell type to define its functional identity during development or disease (Rivera and Ren, 2013).

The epigenome also, in some sense, represents the ability of an organism to adapt and evolve through expression of a set of characteristics or phenotypes developed in response to environmental stimuli.

Thus, in contrast to the consistency of the genome, the epigenome is characterized by a dynamic and flexible response to intra- and extra-cellular stimuli, through cell-cell contact, by neighboring cells, by physiology, or entirely by the environment that the organism is exposed. Cytokines, growth factors, alterations in hormonal levels as well as release of stress-response and neurotropic factors are some examples of molecules that are modulated by the environment and which come under the category of epigenome modifiers. Ultimately, the environment presents these various factors to the individual that influence the epigenome, and the unique epigenetic and genetic profile of each individual also modulates the specific response to these factors

Your genes play an important role in your health, but so do your behaviors and environment, such as what you eat and how physically active you are. Epigenetics refers to how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Unlike genetic changes (mutations), epigenetic changes are reversible and do not change the sequence of DNA bases, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence.

Every cell in the organism carries an identical genome, however, despite the stability of these instructions, the terminal phenotype within an organism is not fixed and deviation is caused by gene expression changes in response to environmental cues. 

DNA methylation, histone modification and RNA-associated silencing are the major ways these changes are controlled.

The methylome is the genomic distribution of methylated DNA sequence present in a cell and is capable of undergoing modification with respect to the environment or the developmental stage.

How do cellular biochemical changes cause epigenetic changes? 

The effects of an epigenetic factor can be manifested as a global change in DNA methylation affecting multiple genes, or modified expression of very specific genes. The mechanisms and cellular pathways that are involved in the creation of these global or specific epigenetic changes are currently obscure. 

For most genes, total reprogramming is necessary very soon after conception in order to start with an epigenetic “clean slate,” which then allows all of the specialized cells derived from the egg and sperm to develop with stable cell-specific gene expression profiles and remain properly differentiated. This happens in the fertilized egg: global DNA demethylation is followed by remethylation to reprogram the maternal and paternal genomes for efficient gene expression regulation. As a fertilized egg develops into a human baby, signals received cause steady changes in gene expression patterns. Epigenetic tags physically record the cell's experiences on the DNA, and stabilize gene expression. Each signal activates some genes, and inactivates others, as the cell develops toward its final fate. Early in development, most signals come from within cells or from neighboring cells. Different experiences cause the epigenetic profiles of each cell type to grow increasingly different over time. Eventually, hundreds of cell types form, each with a distinct identity and specialized function. Specifc genes are turned on and off at certain time intervals, and any disruption of this finely-tuned DNA methylation regulation may persistently alter gene expression. The fetal epigenome is most susceptible during this developmental period to epigenetic modifiers in the maternal environment. An error during such a crucial time might lead to an abnormal phenotypic outcome in the offspring.

Gene expression refers to the process of making proteins using the instructions from genes. A person's DNA includes many genes. Each gene includes instructions for making proteins. Additionally, there are other sections of DNA that are not part of any gene but are important for making sure the genes work properly. These DNA sections provide directions about where in the body the protein is made, when it is made, and how much is made.

While changes to the genes (mutations) can change the protein that is made, epigenetic changes affect gene expression to turn genes "on" and "off." This can mean that genes make proteins in cells and tissues where or when they normally would not, or that genes don't make proteins where and when they normally would. It can also mean that genes make more or less of a protein than they normally would.

There are several ways an environmental factor can cause an epigenetic change to occur. One of the most common ways is by causing changes to DNA methylation. 
DNA methylation works by adding a chemical (known as a methyl group) to DNA. This chemical can also be removed from the DNA through a process called demethylation. Typically, methylation turns genes off and demethylation turns genes on. Thus, environmental factors can impact the amount of protein a cell makes. Less protein might be made if an environmental factor causes an increase in DNA methylation, and more protein might be made if a factor causes an increase in demethylation.

Maternal health can predict childhood development, health outcome and disease consequences. More specifically, fetal programming describes how the in utero environment impacts molecular development in the fetus via epigenetic remodeling.

Environmentally induced epigenetic variation is also driven by paternal factors, and they are as important as their maternal counterparts in influencing epigenetic outcome in offspring.DNA methylation in sperm can be influenced by paternal alcohol consumption, and paternal exposure to toxic chemicals

Epigenetic influences continue to shape an individual after birth. Even at birth, the type of delivery seems to have an effect on the offspring being born. For example, offspring born from ceasarian section have shown to have global hypermethylation in leucocytes as compared to those born vaginally

After birth and as life continues, infancy and childhood, a wider variety of environmental factors begin to play a role. As in early development, signals from within the body continue to be important for many processes, including physical growth and learning, but gradually more and more external environmental and social influences begin to take effect.
Early life positive and negative experiences like maternal care, stress adaptation, and early life adversities contribute to a biological memory, and epigenetic modifications of DNA are responsible for imprinting such influences in to the neuronal circuits of the developing brain which can have life-long impacts.

During infancy and childhood maternal care and social environment shape a child's psychology.
Maternal bonding has a profound effect on the physical and psychological welfare of children. Epigenetic mechanisms interact with and impact the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis of the stress response in the brain.

Poverty and neglect have direct negative impacts upon future development.
The quality of family life including maternal care continues to influence the physiology and psychology of the child such that persistent neglect, emotional or sexual abuse hamper growth and intellectual development and increase risk of disorders like obesity during adulthood.

The transition from childhood to adolescence is accompanied by temperamental and behavioral changes including emergence of sexual behavior which is driven by underlying hormonal changes that can also be influenced by environmental factors. Puberty is a primary event of adolescence and is itself a major development event of human life. 
Puberty involves the maturation of certain regions of the pre-frontal cortex in the brain, and it has been suggested that environmental influences like stress can trigger neuropsychiatric diseases via epigenetic mechanisms during such vulnerable plastic development.

Adulthood, various external epigenetic factors modulate the biology of an individual at a physical and emotional level. Some of the most important exogenous factors influencing human health are described hereafter. 
Generally, during the aging process, global hypomethylation of DNA occurs in a repetitive sequence pattern that may promote genomic instability. Not only is aging correlated with hypomethylation of proto-oncogenes, but also with hypermethylation of tumor suppressor genes, potentially leading to increased risk of cancer and other diseases.


Epigenetics and development
Epigenetic changes begin before you are born. 
All your cells have the same genes but look and act differently. As you grow and develop, epigenetics helps determine which function a cell will have—for example, whether it will become a heart cell, nerve cell, muscle cell, or skin cell.

EXAMPLE: Nerve cell and muscle cell. Your nerve cells and muscle cells have the same DNA, but they work differently. A nerve cell transports information to other cells in your body. A muscle cell has a structure that aids in your body's ability to move. Epigenetics allows the muscle cell to turn on genes to make proteins important for its job and turn off genes important for a nerve cell's job.

Epigenetics and age
Your epigenetics change throughout your life. Your epigenetics at birth are not the same as your epigenetics during childhood or adulthood.

EXAMPLE: A newborn, 26-year-old, and 103-year-old. Scientists measured DNA methylation at millions of sites in a newborn, 26-year-old, and 103-year-old. The level of DNA methylation decreased with age. The newborn had the highest level of DNA methylation, the 103-year-old had the lowest level of DNA methylation, and the 26-year-old had a DNA methylation level that was between that of the newborn and the 103-year-old.1

Epigenetics and exposures
Your epigenetics can change in response to your behaviors and environment.

Nutrition during pregnancy
A pregnant woman's environment and behavior during pregnancy, such as whether they eat healthy food, can change the baby's epigenetics. Some of these changes can remain for decades and might make the child more likely to get certain diseases.

EXAMPLE: Dutch Hunger Winter famine (1944–1945). People whose mothers were pregnant with them during the famine were more likely to develop certain diseases, such as heart disease, schizophrenia, and type 2 diabetes.2 Around 60 years after the famine, researchers looked at DNA methylation levels in people whose mothers were pregnant with them during the famine. These people had increased DNA methylation at some genes and decreased DNA methylation at other genes, compared with their siblings who were not exposed to famine before birth. 345These differences in DNA methylation could help explain why these people had an increased likelihood for certain diseases later in life.

Certain mutations make you more likely to develop cancer. Likewise, some epigenetic changes increase your cancer risk. For example, having a mutation in the BRCA1 gene that prevents it from working properly makes you more likely to get breast and other cancers. Similarly, increased DNA methylation that results in decreased BRCA1 gene expression raises your risk for breast and other cancers.10 While cancer cells have increased DNA methylation at certain genes, overall DNA methylation levels are lower in cancer cells compared with normal cells.

Different types of cancer that seem similar can have different DNA methylation patterns. Epigenetics can be used to help determine which type of cancer a person has or can help to find hard-to-detect cancers earlier. Epigenetics alone cannot diagnose cancer. Cancers would need to be confirmed with further screening tests.

EXAMPLE: Colorectal cancer. Colorectal cancers have abnormal DNA methylation near certain genes, which affects expression of these genes. Some commercial colorectal cancer screening tests (for example, Cologuard®) use stool samples to look for this abnormal DNA methylation. It is important to know that if you have one of these tests and the result is positive or abnormal, you will need to have a colonoscopy, which is a procedure to check your colon for cancer.

Epigenetics across the human lifespan
Epigenetics has the potential to explain various biological phenomena that have heretofore defied complete explication. This review describes the various types of endogenous human developmental milestones such as birth, puberty, and menopause, as well as the diverse exogenous environmental factors that influence human health, in a chronological epigenetic context. We describe the entire course of human life from periconception to death and chronologically note all of the potential internal timepoints and external factors that influence the human epigenome. 

Ultimately, the environment presents these various factors to the individual that influence the epigenome, and the unique epigenetic and genetic profile of each individual also modulates the specific response to these factors. 

During the course of human life, we are exposed to an environment that abounds with a potent and dynamic milieu capable of triggering chemical changes that activate or silence genes. There is constant interaction between the external and internal environments that is required for normal development and health maintenance as well as for influencing disease load and resistance. 

For example, exposure to pharmaceutical and toxic chemicals, diet, stress, exercise, and other environmental factors are capable of eliciting positive or negative epigenetic modifications with lasting effects on development, metabolism and health. These can impact the body so profoundly as to permanently alter the epigenetic profile of an individual. These diverse environmental factors cause both direct and indirect epigenetic changes and this knowledge can ultimately be used to improve personalized medicine.

The future of epigenetics holds tremendous promise for understanding the complexities involved in genetic regulation, cellular differentiation, aging and disease; and a more complete and comprehensive understanding of the mechanisms that underlie the formation and erasure of epigenetic marks could allow us to commandeer the process and possibly fine tune the human epigenome. 

Ultimately, continued efforts to determine how and when epigenetic switches regulate gene function will elucidate the interplay between the genome, the epigenome, and the environment and facilitate the development and optimization of novel therapeutic tools. 

In terms of future application, full understanding of these mechanisms will ultimately revolutionize personalized medicine. 





 Resources 

  • Learn. Genetics: Genetic Science Learning Center at the University of Utah provides a detailed explanation and interactive tutorial about epigenetics.
  • National Human Genomic Research Institute: Epigenomics Fact Sheet provides answers to questions about the epigenome.
  • National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences: Epigenetics provides information about epigenetics, epigenetic research, and a video about epigenetics.
  • National Library of Medicine