The New Year’s Burden

I will not, though I would, resolve,
As the New Year’s Eve comes on,
To do, not do, review, revolve
On the past year, how it has gone,
Taking not all, but still enough
(Seeing I had not much to lose)
Of what, for all my falling off,
Might have been mine, as then, to use:
     But if I cast off heaviness,
     This is my burden, none the less.

I would no more, as I have done,
Consider what the year will bring
But take the seasons one by one;
For, all in all, the heaviest thing
- Excepting only no more hope -
Is hope returning year on year:
Let me not give it now the scope
Of what I might do, for I fear
     That if it cast off heaviness,
     This is my burden, none the less.

I care no more for this I might,
Whether it comes as would or should:
The first is nothing if not light,
Yet it has weighed me down for good;
And how much heavier, come to naught,
As I have found, the other is:
Lightness that ponders what it ought
Weighs like its own antithesis:
     But when I cast off heaviness,
     This is my burden, none the less.

I cannot, if I would, complain
Of a mean lot and curse my luck
(Though luck for luck, as gain for gain,
I cannot say that I've been struck
By how much mine exceeds) but hold
That this same luck has come to me
Never so empty-handed, cold,
As my more favored levity:
     And if it casts off heaviness,
     This is my burden, none the less.

Let others ponder, while they may,
Their wealth of possibilities;
But, as for me, since I must pay
For empty-headed-handed ease,
And since what comes will also go,
I find most hope in most distrust.
I make my burden lighter so
And bear the new year, as I must:
     But if I cast off heaviness,
     This is my burden, none the less.

Envoi to the Reader

I do not hope even to strike
Your fancy with my verse: No mask,
Symbol nor image nor the like
Encumbers it, as you might ask;
     I make too plain my heaviness:
     This is my burden, none the less.



Catherine Davis