Don’t go to war with yourself!

Zachary Nelson

 On vulnerability, 

our greatest strength.

“The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness/hurt also keep out the joy” 

— Jim Rohn

You see as humans, we were made to be self-conscious especially after our primordial parents, Adam & Eve got tempted to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This Original Sin was what birthed vulnerability which till date has continued to influence our life experiences. 

The awareness of our own limitations and mortality put in us a deep sense of vulnerability. This same vulnerability leads to fear, caution, and sometimes, a reluctance to fully engage with the world.

But why are we scared of being vulnerable? 

Isn’t it, in fact, meant to be a source of strength?

The simple answer to this is that people judge and we’re afraid of being judged, rejected or hurt by others when we expose our true selves or share our innermost thoughts and feelings. 

To visualise vulnerability, imagine vulnerability as taking off a suit of armour. 

You need the armour to protect you, but when you take it off, you’re risking letting someone (or something) hurt you. 

When you’re vulnerable, you’re allowing yourself to be seen without that armour, showing your true feelings, thoughts, and emotions. 

It’s like opening up a door to your heart and letting others see inside, even if it feels scary or uncomfortable. 

• Being vulnerable means being honest and genuine, even when it’s hard, and trusting that others will treat you with kindness and understanding. That suit of armor could represent fear, insecurity, or even your past that’s made you want to lock your heart up in a steel box to protect yourself from being hurt. 
• It might even involve walls you’ve built to protect yourself from being vulnerable, like saying you’re okay when you’re not or avoiding opening up to others out of fear of judgement or rejection. 
• It could also mean some of the things you do that rob you of showing up as your genuine self, whether it’s pretending to be okay doing something that goes against your values or hiding your emotions.

This is what worries me. 

There shouldn’t really be any problem with something as natural as being your true self but we’ve gotten accustomed to a world that values the appearance of perfection (which I find very insane), such that being yourself is such a daunting task. 

We’ve been conditioned to believe that revealing our true selves, with all our flaws and imperfections, is a sign of weakness. But being vulnerable isn’t and should never be associated with weakness because it actually takes courage and strength to be vulnerable. You’re basically saying:

“Here I am, with all my imperfections, fears, insecurities, and uncertainties. I’m opening myself up to the possibility of being hurt, judged or rejected — The possibility of being completely wrong” 

That’s courage!

And the strength?

The strength comes into play because you’re required to confront your own fears and insecurities which isn’t something that’s easy to do. Confronting fears requires facing the unknown because fears usually come from perceived threats in unfamiliar areas or situations; which can be unsettling. 

Fear also comes when we aren’t in control or when we feel powerless especially in the face of a potential threat. So we can see how being vulnerable requires strength.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength” 

— Criss Jami

Think back to that example about armour. 

Every time you avoid being vulnerable, you’re adding another piece of armour to your protection. Building walls to keep others out, avoiding expressing your true emotions. 

However, the problem is that the more armour you wear, the heavier it becomes. 

You start to feel weighed down, trapped. 

So, not letting yourself be vulnerable is like choosing to walk through life carrying a heavy armour on your shoulders (like life’s struggles isn’t already heavy enough). 

You’re not being true to yourself. 

You’re constantly going to war with your own thoughts and emotions. 

Instead of letting yourself be free and completely you, you hide behind your armour, scared to show the world who you really are.

So today I’m making a commitment to embrace vulnerability, in my writing and in my life.

I know it’s not going to be an easy task. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable and scary at times. It’s also going to be filled with uncertainty. 

But through this, I hope to build deeper connections and find personal growth.

Don’t go to war with yourself! 

Afterall, a full person has all the vulnerabilities of the world, and it’s through embracing them that we can find true strength and resilience.

Mohammed Elelu