- Have you ever felt like a motherless or fatherless child?
- Have you experienced abuse, betrayal, abandonment, or neglect at the hands of your family members?
- Do you often feel powerless or overwhelmed by life?
All these are signs that you may be operating from the Orphan archetype – something that many lone wolves and sensitive souls experience.
Of all the shadowy and unconscious inner dynamics we can operate from, this is probably one of the most painful. I should know because I’ve been there, and sometimes, I return there in my darkest moments.
Pain. Emptiness. Aloneness. Fear.
These are all the emotional ‘flavors’ of this desolate inner landscape.
Since I’ve become a parent, I’ve again entered this underworld shadow work journey of exploring even deeper layers of my own inner child.
What I’ve realized, in ever more extreme degrees, is that true emotional healing begins when you stop abandoning the orphaned child you once were.
True heart-centered healing begins when you learn to become the parent the orphaned child within you never had.
Signs the Orphan Archetype is Ruling Your Life
“The Outcast/Orphan archetype appears in hundreds of folk tales, books of fiction, and even films. Literary characters like Cinderella, the Little Match Girl, Jane Eyre, Frodo Baggins, and Harry Potter are well-known Outcasts … He is the uncomfortable Other, unique and alone in the world, who reminds us how close we all are to being cut loose, to being without support.”– Toko-pa Turner
Before working with the inner Orphan, it’s helpful to know whether this part is dominating your life. Here are some signs to look out for:
- You often feel helpless, powerless, or like a victim (in relationships, work, or life as a whole).
- You have a destructive, cold, or otherwise dysfunctional relationship with your caretakers or family of origin.
- You mistrust others easily and prefer to do things alone.
- You feel like you’re surviving but rarely thriving in life.
- You have a scarcity mindset where you try to hoard resources (money, possessions, food, affection) for fear they will run out.
- You’re self-alienated and struggle to feel a solid sense of identity.
- You tend to adopt the role of martyr or people-pleaser around others.
- You often struggle with feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
- You have a tendency towards addiction (perfectionism, workaholism, drugs, alcohol, social media, etc.) to fill the void.
- You tend to be naive/idealistic and see the world in black or white.
- You struggle to ask for help.
- You are extremely sensitive to any signs of rejection from others.
Healing Begins When You Stop Abandoning the Orphaned Child You Once Were
It’s no coincidence that my favorite books as a child were A Series of Unfortunate Events (a book about three orphans), the Harry Potter series (another orphan), and Jane Eyre (yep, you guessed it, another orphan).
Something about these books soothed my soul and gave me the cozy comfort I needed to get through a childhood that felt lonely, scary at times, and imprisoning.
What about you? If you think back to what brought you comfort as a child, do you see any Orphan archetype patterns (e.g., doing things alone, reading about fellow Orphans, or maybe even seeking out all-loving mother or father figures)?
One of the reasons why continuing to operate from this archetype is so destructive is that it keeps us in a state of perceived powerlessness, denial, and victimhood.
Without shifting this energy, we find ourselves stuck in (and in some cases unconsciously seeking out) the same patterns of pain and suffering over and over again.
The first step to healing is to stop abandoning your inner Orphan, to welcome its gifts, and to release its curses.
Where to Start the Healing and Finding More Peace
In the words of Carol S. Pearson, PhD., in her book The Hero Within,
“The archetype of the Orphan is a tricky place to be. The Orphan’s task is to move out of innocence and denial and learn that suffering, pain, scarcity, and death are an inevitable part of life. The anger and pain this engenders will be proportional to one’s initial illusions. This Fall leads to realism, because the job of the Orphan is to develop realistic expectations about life.”
As we can see, becoming free from the Orphan archetype and finding more peace first requires us to go through a period of mourning.
We must consciously decide to move out of the innocence, denial, and idealism that haunts our inner Orphans and internally mature by learning to:
- Name and bring loving awareness to how we feel.
- Accept the harder realities of life without collapsing into denial or escapism.
- Practice grief work by facing, mourning, and processing how we feel in the present and what we went through in the past.
One of my favorite ways to do this is through journaling - develops more internal safety, love, and understanding within the journal, which are essential for reparenting the Orphaned inner child.
Simple questions I recommend starting with are:
“How can I become the parent my inner Orphan never had?”“What boundaries in life can I create to help my inner Orphan feel safer?”“Deep down, how do I know when it’s time to ask for help?”
As for other methods of grief work, I recommend doing therapeutic art.
Drawing, painting, scribbling, and crafting are all powerful ways of channeling and transforming intense and suppressed emotions such as rage, fear, and shame.
Mindful meditation is also another way of helping you to stay grounded and present.
In the words of writer Alice Walker,“Healing begins where the wound was made.”
If the wound started as a child, that’s where the healing begins.
Learning how to become the parent your Orphaned inner child never had is how to start.
May you become that person.
Tell me, were you an ‘orphaned child’ physically, emotionally, or mentally?
How has this impacted your life, and what healing path do you plan on taking?
Aletheia
The Orphan archetype, in Jungian psychology, represents the inner experience of abandonment, loneliness, and, paradoxically, resilience. It embodies the "wounded child" who must navigate a hostile world, fostering self-reliance and the individuation process. This archetype often appears during significant life transitions, moving from victimization towards finding inner strength.
The archetype of the orphan, evokes powerful issues of abandonment, deprivation, and hope.
Many of us have inner orphans.
The unloved parts of us shipped off to the unconscious exert a powerful influence over our moods. Our adult selves may feel resilient and resourceful most of the time, but a cruel tone of voice as we’re dismissed from work or a cold shoulder from a lover can awaken our inner child ren putting us in a tailspin. When threatened by abandonment, they can trigger profound feelings of dread and even panic.
In the grip of our inner orphan, we may find ourselves pining to rewrite our childhood, including a cast of perfect parents. Some of us may even question whether we’re adopted because the feeling of belonging somewhere better haunts us. We can suddenly feel desperate and likely to starve even though we have substantial assets in our accounts. Finally, and most painfully, we can feel unloved and unlovable.
The fear of abandonment may send us scrambling to find reassurance from outside sources – asking our family if they really do love us or fawning over a new acquaintance in hopes they’ll stick around. We might hoard food or money, reassuring ourselves that we won’t need to rely on anyone, which is best because no one stays with us anyway. In the grip of this complex, our bodies ache, and we may even feel invisible or unreal.
Working with these feelings seems daunting at first because a moat of distress surrounds the inner child. But if we persevere, we may find an inner treasure. On the far side of our remembered suffering is a part of us that recalls how to love and be loved. And when they return, we will wonder how we ever forgot.
~ Joseph R. Lee
Key Aspects of the Orphan Archetype:
Core Theme:
The experience of being cast out, abandoned, or neglected, often resulting from personal trauma or collective, societal displacement.
Orphans are characterized by trauma, neglect, abandonment , abuse and rejection.
Having lost their own family (or never having had one to begin with), they’re driven by a need to belong and will go to great lengths to find acceptance. This makes orphans especially susceptible to manipulation and abuse which, over time, can result in them becoming withdrawn and further isolated.
The Shadow (Negative Side):
The Orphan can become cynical, fatalistic, and manipulative, believing the world is inherently dangerous and, therefore, they must take whatever they can to survive.
They may refuse to own their pain, leading to a "victim" mentality.
Abrasive, Apathetic, Childish, Cynical, Defensive, Dishonest, Evasive, Impulsive, Insecure, Irresponsible, Oversensitive, Paranoid, Rebellious, Reckless, Resentful, Rowdy
The Light (Positive Side):
Through facing suffering, the Orphan develops profound empathy, realism, and resilience.
They are able to build, and find, their own community ("tribe").
Alert, Cautious, Discreet, Empathetic, Humble, Independent, Intelligent, Loyal, Observant, Perceptive, Persistent, Private, Proactive, Resourceful, Spunky
The Goal:
The ultimate goal of the Orphan is to move from a state of abandonment to wholeness, often transforming into the "Divine Child"—an archetype of, and for, new beginnings and personal healing.
ASSOCIATED ACTIONS, BEHAVIORS, AND TENDENCIES
- Being highly observant
- Sticking like glue to the trustworthy people in their life
- Being highly attuned to injustice, manipulation, and other forms of abuse
- Fighting for justice and equality
- Resiliency
- Having just a few close friends
- Being unable to see the faults of the people they’re loyal to
- Getting involved in toxic relationships (because it’s what the character is used to)
- Adopting a victim mentality
- Being highly independent (because they’ve had to be)
SITUATIONS THAT WILL CHALLENGE THEM
- Suspecting that a trusted friend is being dishonest
- A friend questioning the motives of someone close to the character
- Being forced to face their unresolved past trauma
TWIST THIS TROPE WITH A CHARACTER WHO…
- Has been orphaned but maintains their optimism and hope in humanity
- Has learned a valuable skill or ability because of their abandonment
- Has an atypical trait: obedient, respectful, diplomatic, confident, fussy, scatterbrained, etc.
Motivations
AcceptanceConnectionSecuritySurvivalJusticeFearAbandonment
Positive Qualities
PerceptiveEmpathetic, especially towards the underdogChampions justice and equalityInclined to do good when they find acceptance and stabilityResourcefulResilientHard-working
Shortcomings
- Can be too eager to please
- Can be manipulated due to their desire to fit in
- May turn to the dark side
- May use trauma as an excuse for being the worst
Qualities That Can Be Good or Bad
- Likely to rebel
- Trusts peers above authority
- Lands somewhere on the spectrum between realist and cynic
Healing the Inner Child:
The Orphan archetype is often the target of "inner child" work, helping individuals to acknowledge and care for the part of themselves that feels neglected.
Moving Beyond Victimhood:
The journey of the Orphan is to stop looking for external saviors and instead find "home" within themselves.
The Orphan is thus a vital stage in the psychological journey, encouraging us to "befriend" our own losses and turn them into strength.
Becca Puglisi
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