Beating yourself up today?

Ryanniel Masucol

Today I went back on my word. 

Not to anyone else, but to myself. 

I told myself I wasn’t going to do something, and then after several months of successfully not doing it, I did it again.

I trust you’ve had your own version of this many times in your life. Maybe even lately. Eating sugar or carbs when you told yourself you wouldn’t . . . texting someone you know you shouldn’t . . .

If you’re anything like me, the natural and instinctive tendency you’ve always had in these moments is to judge and berate yourself for your weakness. 

Add to that telling yourself a catastrophic story: 

I’ve ruined all the progress I worked so hard for . . . and your shame just compounds.

You tell yourself you now have to start over, and it’ll be days, weeks, or months before you’re allowed to feel proud of yourself again.

I’ve been this harsh with myself over my shortcomings ever since I was a child. 

It’s made me as unhappy as any habit I’ve ever had. 

Actually, more so, because this habit is an amplifier for all other mistakes. 

If I eat badly when I said I wouldn’t, that’s one thing, but if I then tear myself apart for having done it, I feel 10 times worse.

I’ve never needed a shaming drill sergeant in my life; I already have one inside my head. 

Conversely, whenever I’ve had more loving voices around me, I have blossomed. 

I perform much better through kindness. 

Perhaps you’ve had the same insight about yourself.

This insight made me prioritize my ability to develop a more compassionate internal voice over the years, and that has changed my life. I can promise you that if you learn to develop a compassionate internal voice of your own, it will change your entire experience of your life. This isn’t touchy-feely stuff—it’s practical, and it’s something you can learn.

One of the most important ways I achieved this was by having people on the outside model for me the kind of kindness I needed to give myself on the inside. 

I’ve been lucky to have some world-class teachers in this department.

The formula is simple: 

I’ve shared with them things I’m beating myself up over, and they have modeled for me the things I should be saying to myself, in a tone I wasn’t used to using with myself. 

This isn’t a one-and-done thing. 

 

No hard thing is ever achieved in a single conversation. 

It requires daily repetition. 

But because of that repetition, my own internal voice now reflects the much more loving voices I’ve had on the outside. What a gift.

Not everyone is so fortunate. 

Many of us are surrounded by shaming or judgmental family members, friends, or partners. 

Most don’t have access to the kinds of outside voices.

Me: Today I broke a streak on something I promised myself I would stop doing, and I’m mad at myself for being weak. It’s made me hate myself today.

Matthew: I hear you, and I know how heavy that can feel. Breaking a streak, especially one tied to something you’ve been working hard to overcome, can feel like a betrayal of yourself. 

But let me tell you something important: 

This one moment doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t erase all the progress you’ve made.

We often treat ourselves with such harshness in these moments, as if one slip-up means we’re weak or incapable. But the truth is, growth isn’t linear. It’s messy, with setbacks and challenges along the way. What matters most is how you respond now. Forgive yourself for being human. This is a stumble, not a fall. 

Instead of focusing on the streak you broke, focus on the fact that you had a streak. That means you’ve been showing up for yourself, trying, and making progress. That’s strength. And today is just one day. You can start again tomorrow.

What’s one small, kind thing you can do right now to remind yourself that you’re worth the effort? It doesn’t have to be big—just something that helps you reconnect with the part of you that’s trying. You’re not weak. You’re human, and you’re still in this.

 

Me: What do you mean by “you’re still in this”?

Matthew: When I say, “you’re still in this,” I mean that despite how you’re feeling right now, you haven’t given up. You’re still showing up, even if it feels messy or imperfect. The fact that you’re reflecting on this, even reaching out, shows that you care about your growth and want to move forward. That’s resilience. It’s proof that this moment doesn’t define you—it’s just a part of the process. 

Does that make sense?

 

I know it can feel like we’ll never be confident if we haven’t figured it all out by now, but 

I’m telling you, confidence is a muscle that can be built.

Matthew Hussey