Searching for Connection in a Disconnected Era

 

If it feels harder than ever to connect to others, you are not imagining things.

We are living through a “metacrisis”—a convergence of social, political, technological, and economic upheavals that have fundamentally altered the way we process the world around us as well as how we relate to one another.

 

LONELINESS & THE METACRISIS

Loneliness is at an all-time high, with Americans spending 99 more minutes alone each day than we did two decades ago.

Digital tools, once designed to connect us, now mediate nearly every aspect of our lives, replacing presence with convenience and spontaneity with predictability.

Dating, once a social experience shaped by mutual discovery, has become an exercise in efficiency, what sociologist Eva Illouz calls “romantic consumerism”—an endless optimization game that often reduces us to commodities, swiped and sorted by algorithms.

The metacrisis amplifies these effects, with the constant background noise of societal instability making it even harder to trust, to risk, to hope. The questions we ask ourselves have taken on a survivalist tilt, not just “Can I see a future with this person?” but also “Do I want to navigate the apocalypse with them?” 

 

WHAT IF WE’RE NOT AS ALONE AS WE FEEL?

While these experiences and feelings are real, there is a fallacy underlying many of our biggest fears around finding connection in a disconnected world.

Though it may feel like the apocalypse . . . 

• What if it’s not? 
• What if this period of global instability, climate crisis, and more is not the actual end of the world? 
• What if friendship and falling in love, despite it all, is still worth it? 
• What if connection is what helps us survive these rapidly shifting times?

Amid the chaos of the metacrisis, our longing for each other remains unwavering. 

It is precisely in this challenging terrain that the opportunity for deep, meaningful connection arises—not despite the difficulty, but because of it.

Consider the following:

• Human connection is not dependent on an internet connection. 
• Connection is not a transaction; it’s a vibrational field we can tap into on a daily basis in the most mundane of circumstances.
• Practicing small acts of connection with family, friends, colleagues, classmates, and perfect strangers is the key to building back the social muscles we need to navigate crises.
• These social muscles are the same ones that help us reconnect with long lost friends, cool the heat of conflict, maintain our curiosity about those who are different from us, and invite someone on a date (even the partner you already have).

This mindset is essential for discovering that we are not as alone as we feel; that we are not beholden to the social systems and software draining our life force.

 

SPONTANEOUS SOCIAL INTERACTIONS CREATE JOY.

Journalist Derek Thompson, in a recent interview with Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago, confirmed that we consistently underestimate the joy we experience from spontaneous social interactions. 

Talking to a stranger on the train, making eye contact with a person in a café, engaging in conversation at the bookstore—these small moments shift our perception of the world and our place within it.

The loneliness we feel is a product of a culture that excessively focuses on the self. 

But it’s also a consequence of the ways we’ve learned to guard ourselves from discomfort and vulnerability. 

Connection and community save us. 

Let’s practice it, not as a rare event but as an ongoing practice of engagement. 

Even for the most introverted among us—perhaps especially so—our well-being is dependent on the small, bold act of saying hello. 

Let’s Turn the Lens on You

 

Try the following simple exercise inspired by Nicholas Epley’s research: 

1. Start one conversation with someone you don’t usually speak to—a barista, a fellow commuter, a neighbor, or even a stranger in line.
2. Keep it simple. A warm greeting, a lighthearted comment, or a genuine question is all it takes. (Easy mode: “I like your sweater.” A level up: “What’s been the highlight of your day?”)
3. Observe the impact. How did you feel after the interaction? Did the other person respond positively? Did your mood shift? Consider writing down or recording a voice memo, just for yourself, about the experience.
4. If you like the exercise, keep going. Consider making it a daily or weekly practice. 

Esther Perel