Mirror Work

 

Mirror work is strange, uncomfortable, undeniably intimidating, a little embarrassing …

… but also profoundly healing.

Of all the spiritual methods of inner work available to us in the 21st century, mirror work is one of the simplest and most powerful.

Unlike many pathways to inner growth out there, you don’t have to go out and splurge large amounts of money or time.

Thankfully, mirror work is a practice that is freely available to anyone – all you need is a mirror! And nearly all of us already have access to one.

If you’re looking for a simple, practical, and deeply transformative practice that can become a daily habit of self-love, look no further than your bathroom mirror.

Note + Warning: 

Mirror work is a powerfully direct and potentially triggering practice for folks who struggle with high degrees of mental or emotional distress. Please consult your mental health carer if you’re suffering from issues such as psychosis, schizophrenia, OCD, intense anxiety or depression, grief, or NPD before doing this practice. Always take the best of care and be gentle with yourself.

What is Mirror Work?

Mirror Work was a method originally developed by inspirational teacher Louise Hay as a way of getting in touch with the inner self. The primary purpose of mirror work is to develop self-love, self-care, and a more meaningful relationship with others.

By simply looking into the mirror for a certain amount of time each day and gently talking to yourself, you can foster a more compassionate and forgiving connection with yourself.

Why It’s Normal to Feel Uneasy in Front of the Mirror

I have a challenge for you:

Go sit or stand in front of the mirror in your house for five minutes. Simply stare at yourself and hold gentle eye contact. That’s all you have to do.

Now tell me how you feel.

If you’re like most people, you’ll feel uncomfortable. You may feel awkward, unsettled, embarrassed, or emotional. You might even notice patterns of self-loathing and self-criticism arise.

Why does this happen?

As Louise Hay writes in her book Mirror Work:

The mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing. It clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to change if you want to have a joyous, fulfilling life.

In other words, in front of the mirror, there is no hiding. In front of the mirror, we catch an intimate (and sometimes painful) glimpse into the relationship we have with ourselves.

Mirror work can make us feel initially uneasy because it exposes our inner critic in plain daylight.

Suddenly everything we feel about ourselves that we might not be aware of comes to the surface. And if you haven’t developed a compassionate relationship with yourself, you might be prone to believing all the nastiness whispered in your ear by your inner critic.

Spiritual Awakening & Mirror Work

As a symbol of truth and clarity, mirrors are one of the most ancient and direct ways of accessing self-realization.

Some of the earliest uses of mirrors date back to Anatolia (now called Turkey) from 6,000 to 8,000 BC. These ancient mirrors were made out of obsidian, which itself is a stone symbolic of psychological purification, shadow integration, and protection.

By using a mirror to consciously access the inner layers of our being, we gently remove the blocks and untie the knots preventing our ability to grow and evolve. Indeed, mirror work can facilitate a deepening of our spiritual awakening process.

Mirror Work and Reconnecting With the Inner Child

Another reason why mirror work can make us feel uncomfortable is that it exposes the vulnerable and neglected parts of our inner selves.

After all, what better opportunity for that forgotten part to finally grab our attention than face-to-face in front of a mirror?

Most of us have numerous abandoned inner parts, but the most common one that we’re disconnected from is the inner child.

We all possess an inner child – it’s one of the many archetypes (or patterns of energy) that compose our personality structures. The inner child is the part of us that still retains a sense of childlike wonder, spontaneity, creativity, and joy.

On the other hand, our inner child also possesses many of our primal and core wounds. Thus, learning how to relate to and liberate our inner child is crucial.

Mirror work is an intensely effective way of helping us to re-establish a connection with this delicate part of ourselves.

When looking into the mirror and trying to reconnect with the inner child, it’s not unusual to feel waves of sadness wash over you. You may also experience unexpected bubbles of excitement or joy. But typically, it’s common to experience heavier and more uncomfortable emotions first.

Although this kind of mirror work can be upsetting and unpleasant at times, these feelings point to deeper work that is alchemizing at a subconscious level.

Simply gazing at yourself in the mirror and comforting your inner child can be a tremendously healing practice and a powerful form of inner child work. The more emotions you experience, the more a sacred kind of purging and transformation is happening.

Mirror Work as a Portal into Your Soul

The eyes are the mirrors to the Soul as the old saying goes, and mirror work gives you direct access to this core part of your being.

However, it’s not always possible to directly connect with your deeper Self. Most people first experience a harsh inner critic that arises and serves as a doorkeeper to the deeper psyche.

To make it past that harsh doorkeeper, you must learn to disarm it through mindfulness and self-compassion. It’s at this point where inner work practices such as self-love become vital to work through your insecurities and self-resentments.

But how do you know that you’re reconnecting with your Soul?

I can’t answer that question for everyone.

But for me, the presence of my Soul emerges when my face softens, my eyes become warmer and more compassionate, a slight smile enters my face, and a lighter form of energy fills my body. I also tend to feel like I’m being drawn inwards into an embrace.

As magical or mystical as that may sound, using mirror work as a portal to your Soul is actually quite natural. There is nothing phantasmagorical about it – it feels like returning home to the truest, most whole, and wisest part of yourself.

How to Practice Mirror Work 

(Step-By-Step Guide)

There are no official methods of doing mirror work – although you can try the 21-day practice developed by Louise Hay in her book " Mirror Work"

Sinopse of the book:

"Mirror work has long been Louise Hay’s favorite method for cultivating a deeper relationship with yourself, and leading a more peaceful and meaningful life.

The Mirror Principle, one of Louise’s core teachings, holds that our experience of life mirrors our relationship with ourselves; unless we see ourselves as loveable, the world can be a dark and lonely place.

Mirror work—looking at oneself in a mirror and repeating positive affirmations—was Louise’s powerful method for learning to love oneself and experience the world as a safe and loving place.

Each of the 21 days is organized around a theme, such as monitoring self-talk, overcoming fear, releasing anger, healing relationships, forgiving self and others, receiving prosperity, and living stress-free.

The daily program involves an exercise in front of the mirror, positive affirmations, journaling, an inspiring Heart Thought to ponder, and a guided meditation.

Packed with practical guidance and support, presented in Louise’s warmly personal words, MIRROR WORK—or Mirror Play, as she likes to call it—is designed to help

• Learn a deeper level of self-care

• Gain confidence in their own inner guidance system

• Develop awareness of their soul gifts

• Overcome resistance to change

• Boost self-esteem

• Cultivate love and compassion in their relationships with self and others

In just three weeks, you will  establish the practice of Mirror Work as a tool   for personal growth and self-care, and a path to a full, rich life.

MIRROR WORK CHAPTERS

WEEK ONE

         Loving Yourself

         Making Your Mirror Your Friend

         Monitoring Your Self-Talk

         Letting Go of Your Past

         Building Your Self-Esteem

         Releasing Your Inner Critic

 

WEEK TWO

         Loving Your Inner Child - Part One

         Loving Your Inner Child - Part Two

         Loving Your Body, Healing Your Pain

         Feeling Good, Releasing Your Anger

         Overcoming Your Fear

         Starting Your Day with Love

 

WEEK THREE

         Forgiving Yourself and Those Who Have Hurt You

         Healing Your Relationships

         Living Stress Free

         Receiving Your Prosperity

         Living Your Attitude of Gratitude

         Teaching Mirror Work to Children

         Loving Yourself Now

 

“Mirror work—looking deeply into your eyes and repeating affirmations—is the most effective method I’ve found for learning to love yourself and see the world as a safe and loving place. I have been teaching people how to do mirror work for as long as I have been teaching affirmations.

The most powerful affirmations are those you say out loud when you are in front of your mirror. The mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself.

As you learn to do mirror work, you will become much more aware of the words you say and the things you do. You will learn to take care of yourself on a deeper level than you have done before.

The more you use mirrors for complimenting yourself, approving of yourself, and supporting yourself during difficult times, the deeper and more enjoyable your relationship with yourself will become.”

 Louise Hay

Personally, I prefer to tailor mirror work to myself and my own needs. 

Here are some of the fundamental principles of mirror work that you might like to keep in mind if you want to create your own practice:

1. Use affirmations that feel authentic to you (I’ll explain this more below)
2. Dedicate at least two minutes every day
3. Do mirror work in private so that you aren’t disturbed (or feel the need to keep your guard up)
4. It’s okay to feel emotional – let yourself feel whatever comes up
5. Keep a journal where you record any notable experiences (I’ll explain this more below)

With that being said, here’s a simple step-by-step guide to mirror work that you can use and adapt to your own needs:

1. Commit yourself

Mirror work creates the deepest changes when it’s done consistently over a long period of time. I recommend dedicating a minimum of two minutes a day, with ten minutes or more being ideal.

2. Think about the best time of day

Mirror work is flexible and can work around your schedule. Most people like doing mirror work in the early morning and late at night before going to bed.

You can also do mirror work during the day as you pass mirrors. If there are no mirrors in your workplace, you can always use the selfie option on your phone (where you turn the camera towards yourself).

You can find a private spot (such as in a bathroom cubicle) to do this exercise while at work.

3. Choose or create your own affirmation

Why use affirmations, you might wonder?

Affirmations counteract the negative self-talk that runs through our heads – they also help to reprogram our minds.

When we use affirmations, we are affirming something that we like about ourselves or something positive we wish to give ourselves.

You may like to create your own affirmation spontaneously based on how you feel when you look in the mirror. For example, if you feel ugly in that moment of time, you can affirm to yourself, “I have a beautiful heart and soul” or whatever feels most authentic to you.

If you feel uncomfortable in your own presence, you can affirm, “It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, I accept myself as I am.”

Alternatively, you can choose from a list of affirmations and experiment with using one affirmation each day (or one for a week). 

Here are some examples:

• I’m learning to love you
• I’m willing to take care of you
• I love how thoughtful/caring/sincere/____ you are
• I am worthy of love
• I am enough
• I am exactly who I need to be in this moment
• It’s okay for me to feel scared
• It’s okay for me to feel sad
• It’s okay for me to feel awkward
• I love how unique my body is
• I am beautiful
• I am whole
• I lovingly embrace my fears
• I am fierce and strong
• I trust in my natural wisdom
• I am open and receptive
• I believe in myself

A note on affirmations: If you’re creating your own affirmations, please ensure that you keep them phrased in a positive way. Many practitioners who work with affirmations (such as those who study NLP) assert that the unconscious mind does not understand negatives and will translate any negatively phrased affirmation in reverse. For example, instead of saying “I am not worthless, I am worthy” say, “I am worthy.” Or instead of saying, “I will not be mean to myself” say, “I treat myself with kindness.”

Also, the point of affirmations isn’t to sugarcoat how you feel.

If you genuinely can’t say to yourself in the mirror “I love you” then don’t!

The point isn’t to be disingenuous, the point is to offer sincere love to yourself.

If an affirmation such as “I love and accept you” feels too difficult, focus on a milder affirmation such as “I am learning to love and accept you” or “I want to love and accept you more.”

4. Repeat your affirmation (with feeling)

Repeat your affirmation to yourself at least ten times, whether out loud or in your head.

Some people will recommend at least 100 times – but that can seem overwhelming when you’re just beginning this practice!

Certainly, the more you repeat your affirmation with sincerity, the deeper impact it will make. So try to set a realistic number and stick to it. You can always increase the number of times you say your affirmation while doing mirror work as you progress.

Also, when saying your affirmation, it’s important to look at yourself directly in the eyes.

You may also like to use your own name as this sends a powerful message to your unconscious. For example, you may wish to say, “I appreciate how caring you are [insert your name here]”, “I love you [insert your name here].”

5. Embrace any emotions that arise

It’s normal and okay to feel upset. If you feel the need to cry, let yourself – you’re releasing old ways of being, and that is powerful work!

You may also wish to give yourself a hug, which is also wonderfully therapeutic.

It’s highly likely that you’ll feel emotional at some point and that’s because the old frozen pain within you (that has built up through the years) is bubbling to the surface.

Sometimes the emotions we feel during mirror work are from childhood, particularly if they’re intense. If this is the case, comfort your inner child by acknowledging him/her within you as you look at the mirror. You may wish to say words such as, “It’s okay, I see you, I understand,” “I’m here for you,” “I love how brave you are little [insert name],” etc.

A note about men doing mirror work: Feeling and expressing emotions will likely be more difficult for men than for women. Why? Men are conditioned to perceive stoicism as a true measure of manliness – but the truth is that being “stoic” can sometimes be confused with emotional repression.

There’s nothing courageous about avoiding emotions. If you’re a man, you’ll need extra reassurance and compassion through this stage of the work. Have some deep and powerful affirmations on hand and the willingness to see your emotional openness as true strength.

6. Place a hand over your heart

Sometimes, mirror work can feel particularly intense. If you feel overwhelmed by any experience, you’re always free to walk away and come back to it later.

However, often what’s let through into your conscious mind is just the right amount for you to handle (that is, after all, the role of the psyche and the ego in particular).

To help you process any strong feelings and ground yourself in your body, try placing a gentle hand over your heart. This simple action helps you to remain embodied and connected with love.

You can read more about this practice in our deep listening article.

7. Record your discoveries

It’s crucial during the course of your mirror work to keep a journal.

Don’t worry about being a great writer. Ignore spelling and grammar – they’re irrelevant. The point of recording your discoveries is to help you spiritually integrate what you’ve learned.

You also don’t need to worry about writing longwinded paragraphs if that doesn’t suit you – simply write a sentence or two. Record how you feel and what thoughts, feelings, or sensations arose within you.

There’s no need to keep a mirror work journal every day, but it’s important to write in this journal when you’ve had a particularly important experience that triggered emotions or epiphanies.

By keeping a journal, you’ll be able to track your evolution and progress, having something to come back to in the future and reflect upon.

Mirror work is deceptively simple but tremendously empowering. 

So much healing work can be done by simply looking at yourself in the mirror and expressing self-loving affirmations.

One of the most amazing side benefits of mirror work is how it impacts your relationships. By learning how to love yourself more, life becomes more harmonious and your connections with others blossom and flourish.

And finally, mirror work helps to facilitate and deepen our spiritual awakening, aiding us in gaining clarity and inner illumination.

1. What part of mirror work is the most difficult for you? 
2. What epiphanies or revelations have you had?

Aletheia

in, LonerWolf

The Wolf Who Cried Boy

 

Oh werewolf with woollen wings,

Whimpering in the willows.

Thou vile voice a vice grip

Stuffed inside her pillows.

Yours is a violent cry for help

One should never have to hear.

So dare come near, just know it clear.

Your fleer; my leer. For tears, jeers and

Featherweight fears will never break weirs that

Forever fill wells deeper than the darkest hole

You gouged in the lightest soul.

Your sword; her shield. My words; wounds healed.

I’m ever bending moonlight to set it right.

Go haunt yourself through a never ending night!

A single silver bullet shimmers in her sunlight.

The same one you shot upright.

Falling fast into the broken bed you made.

Now let it embed deep in your head. Well played.

There once was a wolf who cried “boy”. 

And once should have been enough. 

It’s time to torment yourself instead. 

Hurting her never made you tough.

desconhecido

Shadow Work

 

Mad Schmidt Rasmussen

All of us carry demons inside.

Sometimes we catch fleeting glimpses of them, sometimes we witness them in full frontal chaos. But for the most part, we ignore and bury their existence either out of fear, guilt or pure shame.

However, as tempting as it is to suppress our demons, discovering and owning them is a vital part of our spiritual journey.

As authors and psychotherapists Steve Wolf and Connie Zweig note:

Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore.  The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life.

In other words, the Shadow isn’t just the centrally wounded part of us, but it also provides a path toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. In order to heal and grow on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level, we need to practice Shadow Work.

Shadow Work is a practice that helps us to regain access to our innate wholeness. It works on the premise that you must completely befriend your Shadow, rather than avoiding or repressing it, to experience deep healing.

This daunting and often frightening task is a requirement of every person. But you don’t have to go at it alone.

In this long and detailed guide, I will offer you a helping hand. Having studied and worked with the Shadow for years, I’ll share with you some of the best tools, insights, and advice that I have gathered thus far.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not be undertaken if you struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-hatred (especially if you’re going through the Dark Night of the Soul).

Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and emphatically encourage you to work on cultivating Self-Love. Shadow Work should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-worth and a friendly relationship with themselves. Se e this article on how to love yourself for more guidance.

Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.”

Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be “happy” was to focus on everything beautiful, positive, and spiritually feel-good. I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being” dictated by our culture.

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level.

In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of deep inner work, that not only is focusing solely on the “light side of life” one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, are basically guaranteed to exist.

It’s very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level.

Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes, which sound nice but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the Shadow is our dark side, our lost and forgotten disowned self.

Your Shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful,” or even “evil.”

This hidden place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self.

When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and cause psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others.

Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow Work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or Shadow Self.

In essence, Shadow Work is the attempt to uncover everything that has been unconsciously hidden, disowned, and rejected within you and buried within your Shadow Self.

As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, and fear that, for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often, this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

So why do Shadow Work? The reason why we do this work is that without exploring what is hidden within us, we remain burdened with problems such as chronic anger, guilt, shame, fear, grief, and other issues like addictions, relationship meltdowns, and even spiritual maladies like existential depression or the Dark Night of the Soul. Shadow Work is the path to freedom.

All throughout the history of humanity, Shadow Work has played a powerful role in helping us discover what is at the root of our individual and collective mental illness, physical dis-ease, and even insanity, resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists showing the way.

Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow article for a deeper explanation).

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case?

The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’ (We’ll explore how the Shadow is formed in the next section of this article.)

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that, yes, you might be a good person.

In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow.

There are no exceptions here. The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way.

We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side. This black-and-white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized and unrealistic sense of self. Signs of an idealized or unrealistic sense of self include attitudes such as:

• “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”
• “I have never strayed.”
• “God is proud of me.”
• “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”
• “Everyone sees how good I am.”
• “I’m a role model.”
• “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”
• “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about ourselves are unrealistic, unhealthy, and basically delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadows.

How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side was formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we’re full of vast, innocent, wide-eyed potential. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain “type” of person.

Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others.

For example, if we’re born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we’re born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed a Shadow due to social conditioning, i.e., your parents, family members, teachers, friends, religion, and society at large all contributed to the repression of some parts of you.

How?

Well, here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned.

Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves.

In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival.

But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were locked in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold or goodness to be found within the Shadow.

What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once stated that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” 

What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look.

For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught to reject it when little.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth.

By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness.

Such is the power of Shadow Work – it can be a challenging and disturbing journey at times, but it is ultimately a path to Spiritual Enlightenment or Illumination for the spiritual wanderer.

Ultimately, every spiritual path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. 

— S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is harmful and dangerous.

The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness.

The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality have a tendency to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom.

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and, of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

• Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)
• Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)
• Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger
• Emotional and mental manipulation of others
• Greed and addictions
• Phobias and obsessive compulsions
• Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior
• Intense anxiety
• Chronic psychosomatic illness
• Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)
• Sexual perversion
• Narcissistically inflated ego
• Chaotic relationships with others
• Self-loathing
• Self-absorption
• Self-sabotage

… and many others. 

This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological projection.

The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection. Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities.

We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even, in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy those on whom we project our Shadows (e.g., think of countries who go to war with the “enemies”).

None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected Shadow Selves onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and breakdown.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

12 Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections.

I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others.

It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level, targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1. Deeper love and acceptance of yourself
2. Better relationships with others, including your partner and children
3. More confidence to be your authentic self
4. More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity
5. Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike
6. Enhanced creativity
7. Discovery of hidden gifts and talents
8. Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose
9. Improved physical and mental health
10. More courage to face the unknown and truly live life
11. Access to your Soul or Higher Self
12. A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

7 Tips For Approaching 

Shadow Work 

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. 

We’re all at different stages. 

So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

**Have you practiced self-love yet?** 

If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words, if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing this. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadows will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think that you’re God’s gift to the world, but having generally “good” self-worth is important.

Are you prepared to make time? 

Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You’re either all in or all out. Yes, it’s crucial to take a break from this work regularly. But Shadow Work requires gentle dedication and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to look at your blind spots? Even just five minutes a day is a good start.

Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? 

As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths, which are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. 

It’s important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

Understand that you are not your thoughts. 

It’s essential for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet inner Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

Practice self-compassion. 

It is of paramount importance to incorporate self-acceptance and self-compassion into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it’s almost guaranteed that your Shadow Work will backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame that binds you and finally embrace your humanity.

Record everything you find. 

Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down (or even draw) your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and self-analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections in the future.

How to Practice Shadow Work 

(7 Paths)

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there.

In the guide below, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life unconsciously, because:

Whatever we emotionally react to – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, or public places – I have discovered some important things about myself. The first one is that I have an issue with control; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless, and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me.

How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of watching the thriller and horror genre, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g., roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations.

Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me, I’ve discovered that I carry, on some level, a profound guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing.

A part of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g., “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified,” etc.), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad.”

Thanks to this practice of paying attention to my emotional reactions, I’ve welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far. Journaling is a wonderful way to cultivate more self-awareness.

If, however, you’re fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

Have the courage and willingness to observe everything that makes you feel uncomfortable and ask, “Why?”

What do I mean by everything that makes you feel “uncomfortable”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs, grosses out, or terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you’ll discover surprising patterns emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life).

Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same or even an inner bigoted side).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one, pick through what you emotionally react to.

The moment you emotionally react to something (reacting is different from responding) is the moment you have given that thing power over you. This practice of open awareness helps you to regain perspective, understanding, and access to your Shadow.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and it’s also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or draw on any existing) “dark” emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you, such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc., and draw what you feel.

You don’t need to consider yourself an “artist” to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to consciously plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better.

Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure, darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt.

At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment, invigorated energy, and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, or mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing.

Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness.

Ask yourself questions like, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You’ll likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing for and maintaining this website. Thanks to this Soul project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self. 

His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story in which you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a wonderful way to learn more about your inner darkness! 

If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature. Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We all have different varieties of Shadows within us, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

• The Sorcerer
• The Dictator
• The Victim
• The Shadow Witch
• The Addict
• The Idiot
• The Trickster
• The Destroyer
• The Slave
• The Shadow Mother
• The Hag
• The Hermit

I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications, which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky/demanding/compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Intolerant Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: uptight, rigid, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: masochistic, depraved, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful, untrustworthy.

13.  The Immature Shadow

Defined by the following qualities: puerile, childish, illogical, superficial, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. 

I’m sure that there are many others out there that I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows.

You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. 

For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow, who you call “The Nun,” or 

a sexually addicted Shadow, who you call “The Sex Addict.” 

Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we’re taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.”

However, inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our egos.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it.

It’s also possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You’ll likely be in awe of the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean, as these all represent the unconscious mind.

Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g., if you’re walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you close the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we’ve learned, projection is a technique used by the ego to help us avoid the Shadow parts within that we’ve knowingly or unknowingly disowned.

However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes.

For example, you may be attracted to another person who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this is a quality that you secretly long to reunite with inside yourself.

Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say, “He/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature!

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we need to adopt a mindful and honest approach toward the world. We need to be prepared to “look in the mirror” and own that which we have disowned!

Another helpful mindset that we can adopt is that other people are our mirrors. In other words, we can understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

To start this practice, examine your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself, “What might I be projecting?”

Remember that it’s also possible to project our qualities onto another person who really does possess those same qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, 

“What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” 

Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but more often than not, they do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light on Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned.

Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you’re looking for serious, deep, authentic, and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect pathway to experiencing profound inner transformation.

Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring 

shadow work quotes:

The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. 

— Larry Dossey (Healing Words)

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.

— Gail Sheehy

Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. 

— William Law

To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light.

— Carl Jung

Aletheia

in, LonerWolf

devils in the detail

 i suffer through restless nights

sleeping upright, feeling uptight

i dig my nails into the bedside

casting curses into the twilight

you might then find me among those fools

who walk the streets between dog and wolf

but there are devils in the detail

sprites that hide between the cracks

i pour over concrete slabs to find

their bright eyes peering back

and if i find them we might speak

and if we speak we might agree

they might agree to let me sleep

and i might let my demons be

Oliver Wilikers

Inner Child Work

Aryana Golchin

 

No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as children.

These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.

Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual wanderer’s awakening journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within.

When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing and liberation happens!

Most likely, you’ll be shocked by what you discover through the process of inner child work.

Instead of simply looking at a symptom of your pain, you’ll go right to the core to reveal when a fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first began.

This article is a wonderful place to start your inner child work. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself – and let that be the start of your inner child healing!

15 Types of Childhood Trauma

Firstly, it’s important to understand that there are many different types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including sexual), emotional, and mental variety.

Also, when childhood trauma is severe, or repeated enough, it can result in what psychology calls dissociation and shamanic philosophy calls soul loss.

The solution to retrieving and integrating these fragmented parts of our being is called inner work (and soul retrieval forms a part of this process).

However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss — but it often does result in a wounded psyche.

This wounding can trigger issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral patterns, and even chronic illnesses.

Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:

1. Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents/caretakers
2. Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds affection
3. Being “punished” by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair pulling, pinching, scratching, or “washing out the mouth” with soap
4. Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, caretaker, or friend
5. Being the child of divorce
6. Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such as caring for your parents)
7. Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents/caretakers
8. Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods of time without a babysitter)
9. Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or supported
10. Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted
11. Denigration of your personality
12. Destruction of personal belongings
13. Excessive demands
14. Humiliation
15. Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events

There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work deals with.

It’s also important to remember that our parents weren’t the only ones responsible for provoking childhood trauma — our grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family friends, teachers, and childhood friends may have also played a part.

Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening

Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual wanderer’s journey of awakening?

The answer is that our deepest wounds are carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies.

When we’re internally contracted, we also become trapped in a tightly bound separate self, also known as the ego. (This can also later contribute to triggering a Dark Night of the Soul.)

As you may or may not already know, the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature.

When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.

What is Inner Child Work?

This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:

Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.”

But the truth is that while most adults physically “grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood.

In other words, most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.

When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within, we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.

In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in today’s society.

From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.

Inner Child Work: 

5 Ways to Heal 

Deep-Rooted Trauma

Learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming childish again; it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.

In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike.

Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive way. Being childlike, on the other hand, can be thought of as a state of purity and innocence.

We all have the capacity to experience our original innocence, that period in our lives when we saw the world with openness and wonder.

To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing, and anger that we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.

Here are five of the most powerful but simple ways to perform inner child work:

1. Speak to your inner child

Acknowledge your inner child and let them know that you’re there for them. Treat them with kindness and respect.

Some self-nurturing things you could say to your inner child each day include, for example:

• I love you.
• I’m here for you.
• I’m sorry.
• Thank you.
• I forgive you.

Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also communicate through journal work by asking your inner child a question and then writing down the response.

2. Practice the mirror gazing technique

Also known as mirror work, the mirror gazing technique is a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child.

This is a superb healing path to use alongside the previous point (speaking to your inner child), as it allows you to open your heart in an extremely direct way.

To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.

You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself, especially if feelings of grief emerge.

Then, once you feel ready, call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or quietly in your brain.

Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes, say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you.

For example, you might say, “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what feelings arise inside of you.

Most essentially, take this as a key opportunity to practice self-love and self-compassion – particularly if difficult or intense feelings arise.

To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your experience.

3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child

Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self looked like. Let that image burn into your brain because it will serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work.

You might even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner child’s presence.

4. Reparent your inner child by recreating what you loved to do as a child

Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears, or eating warm porridge with raisins. Make time to include whatever activity you loved to do as a child in your present life.

You can also make a habit of asking your inner child what they want or need from you right now. Journaling, drawing pictures, and meditation can all help you access your little one’s internal voice.

Through inner child work, people have told me that they’ve connected to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as adults. More energy, vitality, spontaneity, creativity, and joy are just some of the positive side effects.

Reparenting quite literally means parenting our inner child all over again as adults – or being the mother, father, or caregiver we always wanted and needed growing up.

Every form of inner child work is a direct or indirect form of reparenting. But often, people love starting this process by making it fun and ‘treating’ their inner kiddo to what they were deprived of growing up or simply need/desire at the moment.

Remember to be a wise parent to yourself and set limits where necessary. For instance, if your inner child loved eating entire bars of chocolate or getting loads of presents growing up, a boundary can be set here.

You wouldn’t want to go eating entire bars of chocolate or spending all your money on buying presents for yourself as an adult, would you? Find a mutually satisfactory place of compromise that makes both your adult and child sides happy.

5. Go on an inner meditation or visualization journey

One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child and heal childhood traumas is to go on an inner journey.

For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done through meditation, and those done through visualization.

To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the trust of your inner child through the previous activities.

Once you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the trauma you’re struggling with today.

How to do a meditation journey:

Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your thoughts, and ask a question. For example, you might like to ask, “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?”

Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you.

Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.

You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing of significance arises in your mind. This process could take anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more, so give yourself a lot of space.

Tips — To successfully complete the inner child meditation journey, you’ll need to have a little experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts can take a lot of practice, so if you’re not used to meditating, you might struggle with this technique.

How to do a visualization journey:

A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life traumas is through visualization.

To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must create a “power place” or safe place for them to feel secure within.

To do this, visualize a beautiful garden or any place in which you feel safe, empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then invite your inner child to speak with you.

Here are a few steps:

• Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
• Imagine you’re walking down a staircase.
• At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place. In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.
• Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it look, smell, and sound like?
• After you have acquainted yourself with your power place, imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a door or waterfall.
• Hug your younger self if they feel comfortable (ask them permission), and make them feel at home.
• When you’re ready, ask your inner child your question, for example, “How can I best meet your needs today?” You might like to phrase the question in child terminology.
• Await their response.
• At the end, offer them a hug if they want one, thank them, and let them know how much they mean to you.
• Say goodbye to them.
• Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.
• Return to normal consciousness.

These are very basic steps, but they provide a helpful outline for how to perform an inner child visualization journey.

Remember: This is Powerful Work

As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why it’s important to never make assumptions about your inner child.

Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood, emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and well-being.

Aletheia

in, LonerWolf