Emotional Addiction

 

What is emotional addiction?

Can people actually be addicted to emotions? 

Science tells us: yes. 

Here’s what that looks like and why it happens.

Emotional addiction is a state where there is a dependency, as the name indicates, on some emotions – or more specifically, on the chemicals produced by the brain when particular emotions are triggered, better referred to as “hit emotions.” 

 

This chemical reaction to certain emotions gives our brain a similar “reward” feeling to the one it gets when using drugs.

How can we identify emotional addiction?

When your life is stable do you try to disrupt things (AKA, you self-sabotage) by watching the news, picking fights in your relationships, gossiping, etc.? 

When things feel calm do you tend to look for ways to generate a cortisol and adrenal spike within your system, even if the spike does not necessarily feel pleasant? (Stress, anger, and frustration as emotions one can be addicted to).

If you’re always in a state of (or seeking out situations that lead to) drama and chaos, this is a good sign you struggle with some form of emotional addiction. 

Why do some people have emotional addictions?

The reason why some of us might become addicted to certain emotions 

is the same reason why a person might become addicted to 

a substance or a behavior like sex or gambling: 

For comfort, release, reassurance, distraction, or escapism. 

If we grew up in homes where lack of stability, chaos, and being in a constant fight or flight state was the norm, safe, healthy, and connected relationships might feel boring and even scary. 

Our bodies and minds learn to make crisis and chaos their home. 

Our brain becomes addicted to the adrenaline and cortisol spikes released in these types of situations. 

Unconsciously, we learn to need “hits” of strong emotions to feel alive even if these are “negative emotions” or emotions that bring us suffering and discomfort. 

This is why crises tend to make some people feel good or even needed – they provide a distraction from deeper unresolved feelings and trauma, and it is a familiar way to connect with people, typically learned in childhood. 

Because connection with family members only happened through crisis and drama, these people will seek adult relationships and careers that mimic these same emotional patterns. 

People who were raised with cycles of emotional addiction might feel repelled, bored or unattracted to safe and stable relationships (because it feels unfamiliar, and unfamiliar equals scary).  

Our bodies gravitate towards what feels familiar (because familiar equals safety), so we might actively look for emotions, people, or experiences that trigger those familiar, albeit negative, feelings to find said comfort, release, reassurance, or, escapism.

How to heal from emotional addiction:

1. Practice self-awareness

Begin by observing how you feel around stability and safety. 

Is it triggering? 

Do you tend to self-sabotage by picking fights with your partner or family members?

2. Be compassionate, gentle, and patient with yourself. 

Unlearning patterns is a process that takes time, and that is okay. 

3. Set boundaries with people, situations, or places that trigger adrenaline and cortisol spikes.

This can look like removing yourself from relationships or places that feed this cycle of addiction, which can be difficult, but necessary to break free. 

The constant rush of adrenaline and cortisol can not only harm our health but also ultimately robs us of peace. 

Recognizing what emotional addiction looks like is the first step to healing from it. 

Remember, you are worthy and deserving of a peaceful, slow, safe, and nourishing life that is free from chronic chaos. 

Andrea Brunetti

Stress Addiction

The dangers of chronic stress are widely stated, with researchers tying stress to everything from poor nutrition and sleep habits to heart disease and high blood pressure. Many people take steps to reduce stressors in their lives, including cutting down on their work hours, rethinking some of their interpersonal relationships and staying consistent with daily routines.

Virtually no one enjoys feeling stressed, so the idea that it could be addictive seems counterintuitive. We usually associate addictions with pleasurable activities and substances, and stress is neither of those things. To understand the idea of stress as an addiction, it’s helpful to know how stress affects the body.

What Is Stress?

The body has a variety of systems in place to protect it from danger, from physical characteristics such as skin and immune systems to signals in the brain such as fear, pain, and anxiety. 

Similarly, stress is a state meant to protect the body from threats from predators.

While most people will never be stalked by a lion, this doesn’t mean that modern life is free from stressors. Financial obligations, the mental load from school or work, caring for young or elderly family members, and even navigating rush hour traffic every day can all take a toll on the body. None of these things are direct threats to the individual’s life, but the body treats these as life-threatening perils and responds accordingly. As a result, the individual may always feel as if they’re at their breaking point.

Understanding the Stress Response

When a person comes across something that their brain perceives as a threat to their safety and well-being, it sets off a series of nerve and hormonal signals. 

Among the hormones the body releases are: 

adrenaline and cortisol.

Adrenaline provides an energy burst and raises the heart rate and blood pressure. 

Cortisol, which is commonly thought of as the stress hormone, increases the amount of sugar in the bloodstream and boosts the brain’s ability to convert that sugar to energy. 

Cortisol also curbs the body’s efforts to maintain nonessential responses and processes that could slow the individual’s fight-or-flight response. 

This may include the body’s immune responses, digestion and the reproductive system.

What is the Impact of Chronic Stress?

The body’s response to stress usually only lasts as long as the stressor is present. Once the danger passes, hormone levels taper off and the body’s functions return to normal. 

When the stress response system stays activated for a long period of time, the individual is more vulnerable to health risks such as:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Cardiovascular conditions
• Memory problems
• Weight gain
• Sleep disturbances
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Digestive problems

How Can Stress Be Addictive?

While we may think of stress as something unpleasant, the truth is that a lot of people thrive on it. Chronic stress gives us a boost of energy and makes us driven to succeed. 

Some people even turn their stress levels into a competition and are eager to explain the extent of their overcommitments, heavy workloads, and household responsibilities. 

We can start to get the idea that we’re not doing life right if we aren’t stretching ourselves too thin.

This is where the addictive element resides. 

For someone who’s accustomed to tight schedules, moving from one activity to the next without downtime and feeling like there are never enough hours in the day, the idea of life with fewer stressors can seem empty and unsatisfying. 

Even when someone recognizes the effect stress has on their eating and sleeping habits, relationships, and physical and mental health, coming down from stress feels uncomfortable. 

It’s easier to simply remain amped up and always on the move rather than experiencing the detox process of winding down. 

This is where stress addiction sets in.

In addition to adrenaline and cortisol, the body releases dopamine when it’s under stress. 

This chemical is like a reward for the brain, reinforcing certain behaviors. 

In other words, although someone feels the unpleasantness of stress, the reward they get from stress-inducing behaviors and patterns prevents them from making changes.

In many cases, individuals use stress to avoid the source of their unhappiness. 

Staying very busy is easier than confronting issues such as trauma or grief.

Stress addiction is similar to the way substance addictions work. 

Even as the individual sees the negative impact excessive drugs or alcohol may have on their health and relationships, they’re still driven to continue using the substance because it’s worth the reward the brain provides. 

Someone with an addiction to stress hormones may be aware of how their stress is impacting them, but they may be unwilling to lighten their load.

How Can You Recognize the Signs of Stress Addiction?

While someone with a substance addiction can live a sober life without using recreational drugs or alcohol, it’s unrealistic and unhealthy to try to completely eliminate all stressors. This can make it hard for someone to determine whether their chronic stress is a byproduct of modern life or if they’re actively taking on more than they can reasonably handle because of stress addiction.

The primary sign of stress addiction to stress is that they spend a lot of time thinking about their stress and how busy their lives are. They may be the ones who turn stress into a competition or who worry that they’re not doing life “right” if they’re not constantly on the move.

Someone with stress addiction may also find that they have no free time to pursue hobbies or spend unstructured time with friends and family. They continue to seek out additional stressors to take on even as their unhappiness grows and their relationships fall by the wayside.

Other signs that someone’s addicted to stress may include:

• Unwillingness to take a vacation or thinking about work or caregiving responsibilities while on vacation
• Feeling as though they thrive on tight deadlines
• Procrastinating
• Difficulty with downtime
• Constantly worrying about what obligations they’re overlooking
• Feeling unsettled when disconnected from their phone or computer
• Feeling as though a full workday isn’t enough to accomplish necessary tasks
• Lacking time for hobbies or relationships
• Showing impatience when people are talking

Someone with a stress addiction is generally aware that they’re taking on too much. 

However, the idea of backing off their commitments makes them uneasy. 

They may feel that their stress is what gives their life meaning and purpose, and they have a hard time with the thought of finding satisfaction with a more laid-back lifestyle.

What are the Dangers of Stress Addiction?

Chronic stress and stress addictions have a serious impact on the individual’s physical and mental health. Even when someone seeks out stress, they may have difficulty coping with it and may self-medicate with alcohol or recreational drugs. 

They’re likely to experience symptoms such as 

fatigue, high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, depression, social withdrawal, irritability, appetite changes, and a compromised immune system.

One of the biggest dangers of stress addiction is that they’re often reluctant to get help. 

For them, stress is a coping mechanism that lets them avoid difficult emotions, memories, or circumstances. 

For example, 

someone who’s had a significant loss may bury themselves in work to distract themselves from grief. Someone who experienced trauma as a child may have it ingrained in their minds that home isn’t a happy or safe place to be, so they keep themselves moving from one obligation to another to avoid downtime.

As is the case with most addictions, stress addiction often has a root cause that needs to be addressed before meaningful progress can be made. 

Talking with a mental health care professional is the first step in addressing the stress addiction and its underlying cause and finding a happier, more balanced life.

Kristina Robb-Dover

We always hear how stress can be detrimental for almost every health outcome, but how does it affect the internal workings of the body to have such wide-spread impacts? In this article, we dive into the systemic effects that stress has on our hormonal pathways.

When we experience stress, the body reacts to prepare for action and protect ourselves from serious harm. However, this response has been honed by evolution to be intense, short-lived, and with long restful periods between stress episodes. In modern day, most of us can agree that our lives look more like the opposite: prolonger low-grade stress (perhaps with shorter, highly intense stressful periods) and the occasional restful time such as a vacation.

As the chemical messengers that tell our systems what to do, our hormones pull the strings for our entire body.

What happens to our hormones during stress?

Hormone: Cortisol

 

What is it: The body’s main stress hormone

Effect from stress: Goes up

Major health implication: Weight gain

Cortisol is a huge contributor to the obesity epidemic we are witnessing. It increases fat deposition around our belly, raises blood sugar levels, increases ghrelin (our “hungry” signal), and decreases leptin (our “full” signal). These impacts of stress on appetite, satiety, and fat storage are highly significant for healthy weight maintenance.

Hormone: Catecholamines

What is it: Catecholamines (like adrenaline) trigger the fight-or-flight response

Effect from stress: Goes up

Major health implication: Heart attacks or stroke

Much of adrenaline’s functions work to reroute blood flow to the heart and muscles to increase cardiac output. Over time, surges of adrenaline can damage your blood vessels, raise your blood pressure, and increase your risk of getting a heart attack or a stroke.

Hormone: Gonadotropins

What is does: Regulate ovarian and testicular function

Effect from stress: Goes down

Major health implication: Reproductive disruption and fertility

Stress suppresses our gonadotropins leading to disrupted menstrual cycles in women and sub-optimal reproductive function. However, men are affected too. In males, stress-related gonadal dysfunction can lead to decreased sperm count and quality, as well as ejaculatory disorders and impotence.

Hormone: Thyroid hormones

What is does: Regulate metabolism, weight and energy

Effect from stress: Goes down

Major health implication: Hyperthyroidism

Thyroid function is usually down-regulated during stressful conditions, including hormones T3, T4 and thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH). Over time, this can cause a condition known as hyperthyroidism. The most common type is Graves’ Disease, which is an autoimmune disease characterized by a swollen thyroid gland in the throat, fatigue, anxiety, hair loss and more.

Hormone: Growth hormone (GH)

What is does: Regulate metabolism, weight and energy

Effect from stress: Goes down

Major health implication: Muscle loss or delayed growth

Although growth hormone increases during acute physical stress (like a workout), chronic mental stress can lower GH secretion. For children, this can lead to delayed growth and stunting. For adults, it might not affect your height, but it can sabotage muscle growth, sexual function and mood.

Stress is a complicated psychological and physiological response. 

While it is a completely healthy and normal part of life, many of us struggle with chronic stress that we brush off as “unavoidable” or something we just need to live with. 

The truth is, our body might be bearing the load for all the stress we put on our shoulders. 

Stress management needs to be integrated into our health plan, our anti-aging protocols, and our everyday life.

in, Biohacking, Functional Medicine

The Physics of Emotion

 

Every day, you experience many kinds of emotions that affect the way you think and act. 

However, you probably never stop to think about why you feel this way: 

Teeny-tiny chemicals are responsible. 

These chemicals, called neurotransmitters, can control your mood and activity. 

Your body is made up of many small parts called cells and, using dozens of types of chemical signals called neurotransmitters, cells communicate with each other. 

It is as if the cells are “passing notes” around, sending messages back and forth from the brain to the rest of the body. 

Learning more about the neurotransmitters flowing throughout the body and how they work in cell communication can help us understand more about how our emotions work and it can also help scientists create medications for people with certain mental health conditions. 

Think back to a time when you felt excited and happy. 

Now, remember a time when you felt sad or disappointed or even angry. 

Have you ever thought about why you felt those things or why your body reacted the way it did when you experienced those emotions? 

You can thank some itty-bitty chemicals produced by nerve cells that are at work all throughout your body.

Neurons Control Your Body

Cells are the basic building blocks of life. 

Your body is made up of trillions of cells! 

Nerve cells (also called neuronsCells that make up the brain, spinal cord, and nerves. They consist of dendrites, a cell body, and an axon.) are one of the body’s many cell types, and they have two main functions: to sense the outside world and to control your body’s responses to the outside world. 

How do neurons do this? 

By working together!

Neurons, which are found in the brain, spinal cord, and all other organs, communicate with one another using chemical signals to relay information throughout the body. 

They do this through their unique structure. 

The cell body is the “main area” of the neuron. 

DendritesShort branched structures on neuron cell bodies that receive chemical signals from other cells. are short branches extending from the cell body that receive chemical signals from other cells. 

The axon

The long thin part in the middle of a neuron that sends signals from the cell body to the axon terminal, releasing chemicals that lead to signaling in other neurons. is a long, thin fiber extending from the cell body that branches out at the ends. 

The very ends of the branches are called axon terminals and they release chemical signals into the small space between two neurons, which is called the synaptic gap

The space between the end of one neuron and the start of another neuron, which neurotransmitters cross for cell-to-cell communication. 

So, in summary, a neuron receives signals through its dendrites, the signal moves through the cell body and down the axon, and is passed on at the axon terminals, so that another neuron can receive it. Together, neurons can control many things about us, including our emotions

What exactly are the signals sent between neurons? 

They are made of chemicals called neurotransmitters

Chemical messengers that transfer signals from one nerve cell to another.

Imagine two friends playing a game of catch with a baseball. 

The “thrower” throws the ball across the lawn to the “catcher.” 

Similarly, imagine two neurons are communicating using neurotransmitters. 

The “thrower” neuron is called the presynaptic neuron—“pre” means “before” and tells us this neuron is before the synaptic gap. 

The presynaptic neuron releases the neurotransmitter across the “lawn” (synaptic gap), where it is caught by the “catcher” neuron, called the postsynaptic neuron (meaning “after” the synaptic gap).

While this is what generally happens, the details are a little more complex. 

Neurotransmitters are stored in tiny sac-like structures called vesicles.

Sac-like structures at the axon terminal that contain neurotransmitters and release them into the synaptic gap in response to a high enough electrical signal. at the axon terminal. 

When neurotransmitters travel across the synaptic gap, they bind to molecules called receptors.

Structures on a cell that receive (“catch”) molecules and can send a signal into the cell in response. 

In neurons, receptors trigger an electrical signal that travels through the cell. on the dendrites of the “catching” neuron—you can think of receptors as the “hands” doing the catching. 

When enough receptors “catch” the neurotransmitters, an electrical change is created in the receiving neuron, and this charge moves through the cell body and down the axon. 

When the electrical signal reaches the end of the axon, the vesicles in the axon terminal release their neurotransmitters into the synaptic gap, and they travel across to communicate with even more neurons by the same method. 

This is the basic method by which the neurotransmitters in your brain influence the emotions you feel.

The three most common neurotransmitters involved in emotions are dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. 

These three different “balls” control your everyday moods and emotions! 

A good balance between “throwing” and “catching” each of these neurotransmitters is important to keep you physically and mentally healthy.

Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with emotions such as: 

interest, enjoyment, fear, and anger. 

However, dopamine alone cannot cause these emotions. 

Dopamine is a special neurotransmitter that works together with other neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, to form these emotions. 

Dopamine also works in the brain’s reward system. 

Dopamine is released from neurons when the brain receives an unexpected reward, like when you receive a surprise gift. 

However, too much dopamine can be problematic, as it is linked to addiction and a psychiatric Disorder Health Conditions that affect the way a person feels, thinks, and behaves. 

Examples include schizophrenia and depression. 

The symptoms of schizophrenia include: 

Losing touch with reality, for example seeing or hearing things that are not really there. 

Scientists know that excessive dopamine and dopamine receptors are one of the causes of schizophrenia, but they are unsure of the exact mechanism.

If you are denied an expected reward, like if you find out your favorite show was canceled, dopamine activity is decreased. 

Low dopamine levels are associated with emotions like: 

Surprise, distress, shame, and disgust. 

Even lower levels are associated with anxiety and Parkinson’s disease, a nervous system disease that causes movement difficulty. 

Thus, one treatment for such conditions includes a special chemical that helps the body create more dopamine, which reduces symptoms.

Serotonin

 

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter associated with emotions such as 

interest, enjoyment, and surprise. 

It is also related to disgust, as stimulation of serotonin receptors is linked with disliking the taste of a food. The next time you feel disgusted from eating your most hated dish, you will know it is from the serotonin firing in your brain. 

Extremely high levels of serotonin in neurons can lead to serotonin toxicity, which involves symptoms such as 

nervousness, insomnia, nausea, and shaking.

Low levels of serotonin are associated with feelings of 

distress, fear, shame, and anger. 

The way these low-serotonin emotions are felt also differs by the person. 

For example, if you are highly sensitive to the emotions of others and you do something wrong, you will probably feel much more guilt and shame than someone who is less sensitive, who is more likely to feel annoyed or even angry in the same situation. 

Very low levels of serotonin are associated with psychiatric disorders including depression. 

Some medications can increase the time that serotonin stays in the synaptic gap, which can sometimes treat the symptoms of depression.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in attention and alertness as well as in the “fight or flight” response. 

During times of stress or anxiety, norepinephrine is released and binds to receptors throughout the body. This increases heart rate, dilates pupils, slows down digestion, and heightens the senses—a reaction you may have felt at a time when you were nervous or scared. 

High levels of norepinephrine make you feel 

active, aroused, and attentive. 

So, whether you are being chased by a bear in the woods, are extremely focused on taking a test, excited about performing in a competition, or even feeling attracted to your significant other, high levels of norepinephrine are flowing throughout your body.

Both high and low levels of norepinephrine are related to diseases: 

low levels are related to 

Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and depression, 

high levels are related to schizophrenia. 

Now that you know how norepinephrine affects your reactions, you may be able to understand why 

high norepinephrine levels can explain emotions such as 

interest, surprise, distress, and anger 

while low norepinephrine levels explain 

terror, shame, and disgust.

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of how and why you feel the way you feel! 

Different combinations of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine create our basic emotions. 

When all three neurotransmitters are at high levels, we can feel interest and excitement, while having all three at low levels can generate feelings of shame and humiliation. 

Control of feelings, thoughts, and actions is complex and are affected by other factors than the three neurotransmitters discussed in this article. 

Still, serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine do play a major role in our mood. 

So, whenever you feel happy, sad or anything in between, remember that these tiny chemicals are at work all over your body to make you feel that way.

Glossary

Neurons: 

Cells that make up the brain, spinal cord, and nerves. They consist of dendrites, a cell body, and an axon.

Dendrite: 

Short branched structures on neuron cell bodies that receive chemical signals from other cells.

Axon: 

The long thin part in the middle of a neuron that sends signals from the cell body to the axon terminal, releasing chemicals that lead to signaling in other neurons.

Synaptic Gap: 

The space between the end of one neuron and the start of another neuron, which neurotransmitters cross for cell-to-cell communication.

Neurotransmitters: 

Chemical messengers that transfer signals from one nerve cell to another.

Vesicles: 

Sac-like structures at the axon terminal that contain neurotransmitters and release them into the synaptic gap in response to a high enough electrical signal.

Receptors: 

Structures on a cell that receive (“catch”) molecules and can send a signal into the cell in response. In neurons, receptors trigger an electrical signal that travels through the cell.

Psychiatric Disorder: 

Health conditions that affect the way a person feels, thinks, and behaves. Examples include schizophrenia and depression.

Axel Cleeremans

An Ode to Friendship I Have Lost

To all the laughters that we shared,

Smiles that we tried so hard to keep,

Mean things that we blurt out that we did and didn't mean,

Tears that we wish never existed,

Fights that we fought,

Hearts that we've hurt,

Stories that we lived together,

And ties that we thought would bind us forever...

I'm sorry.

You will be missed,

But that's all where you'll be.

The past that I don't even want to see.

To all the forced laughters that we've had,

Conversations and hang out sessions that feel like an obligation,

Beliefs and ideals that we no longer share,

Inside jokes that start to feel old,

Priorities that we no longer understand,

And plans we no longer want to do,

Thank you.

For making me understand,

That some friendships doesn't always last.

My world has gotten bigger,

And so as yours.

I've met people whom I have connected better,

And so as you.

I've learned to laugh louder,

Cry harder,

Smile wider,

Speak wiser,

And act in foolish manner.

So have you.

So here's to you:

To the acceptance that we would no longer be friends like we used to,

To the curiosity that will always linger,

Wondering about what-ifs and what-could-have-beens,

To embracing the fact that we were always bound to end from the very beginning,

To waving goodbye to the only kind of friendship I knew growing up,

And to loving the growth,

That we both had,

As we fall apart.

Desconhecido

Why Do We Lose Friendships on the Awakening Path?

 

One of the most painfully common, yet neglected areas of discussion when it comes to the path of awakening to our deeper Self, is losing all our friends. Winding up alone.

Perhaps you’ve always struggled to make friends, or once upon a time had friendships but have since lost them. 

Maybe you’re an introvert by nature and tend to have one or two friends at a time, or an ambivert who shifts like a chameleon based on the circumstance. Maybe you’re even an extrovert who thrives on social interaction.

Whatever the case, undergoing a spiritual awakening – a call to reconnect with your deeper Self – has a way of both slowly and suddenly destroying the connections you once held dear.

These friendships can either slowly fade through time, like a withering flower in a pot of stagnant water. Or they can suddenly disappear in thin air as if an atomic bomb has gone off in your life.

However you’ve experienced the loss of friends, I want you to know that you’re not alone. You’re not weird. And you’re certainly not crazy.

The question is, 

1. Why do we lose these connections? 
2. How do we find new friends? 
3. And if we can’t find suitable connections, what do we do with ourselves? 

There are a number of reasons why we may wind up alone at some point in our lives:

• We’ve actively distanced ourselves from our previous relationships because they feel unhealthy, empty, or no longer fit our needs.
• Our friends don’t understand what we’re going through and can’t relate to the “new version” of ourselves – they can only connect to the role they were used to us playing. As a result, they phase themselves out of our lives.
• There’s a lack of understanding and shared values on both sides: we can no longer relate to them, and they can no longer relate to us.

On a more meaningful level, losing friendships:

1. Helps us to “start over” by releasing old identities, values, and aspects of the ego that we’ve outgrown
2. Clears a space in our lives to go inwards, reflect, and discover who we truly are at a deeper level beyond surface masks 
3. Creates more opportunities for the healing and illuminating power of solitude

Losing friendships on the path of awakening is an extremely common and painful experience.

I used to have lots of friends growing up, even as a shy child. But once I started going through my dark night of the soul and spiritual awakening at the age of 19, I wound up alone.

I began actively distancing myself from old friendships because they just didn’t make sense to me anymore. They felt hollow and actually made me feel more lonely than not having them.

So what I decided to do was to let them go. 

I have made few friendships since (I’ve tried, but they didn’t go as planned) and a few private online friendships. But overall, I don’t have the degree of friendship connectedness I once had. Eventually, I’d like to when the time is right in life.

As you get older, it’s harder in some ways to make friends. Busy schedules, responsibilities, mouths to feed … add the “I’m introspecting in my cocoon so I can look into the deeper layers of my soul and find the truth of reality” into that mix, and it can become really hard to find kindred souls.

How to Find Friends – and If You Can’t, What to Do Instead

We know that if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. 

And that scares the hell out of us. 

What will become of us? 

We will lose our friends and family, who will no longer recognize us. 

We will wind up alone, in the cold void of starry space, with nothing and no one to hold on to. 

Of course this is exactly what happens. But there’s the trick. 

We wind up in space, but not alone. Instead we are tapped into an unquenchable, undepletable, inexhaustible source of wisdom, consciousness, companionship. 

Yeah, we lose friends. But we find friends too, in places we never thought to look. 

And they’re better friends, truer friends. And we’re better and truer to them.  

– Steven Pressfield

in, The War of Art

Here’s a weird thing about me. 

I might write a lot about spiritual topics, but I don’t actually like spending time around overtly spiritual people – the stereotypical love-and-light kind, anyway. Why?

A “spiritual person” role is still a role, one that is more elaborate and in many ways more self-righteous and detached (in many but not all circumstances) than the everyday person’s identity. 

In other words, it’s harder to relate to and feel truly connected with the spiritual people that I’ve come across in person (and online). I don’t know if it’s different for you and where you live, but for me, the most off-putting places are yoga classes, meditation groups, and spiritual centers. 

I don’t feel like I can be myself in these spaces or around these types of people (too much toxic positivity, new age babble, cultish behavior, and so on). So I don’t go anymore.

I find that I enjoy the company of more down-to-earth people; those who are curious, autodidactic (self-learners), creative, and quirky. These are the people I vibe with the most. 

I’ve always connected best with eccentric people – the outsiders and ones that don’t fit in well. The square pegs in round holes. The “outcasts.”

Here are a few questions to help you find friends after you’ve lost them on the awakening path:

1. Identities and roles aside, who am I deep down? 
2. What type of person do I genuinely feel comfortable around?
3. Where can I find that type of person in person (or online)?
4. How can I show up regularly in that space, same place, same time, each week, to build a bond? 

Consistency and familiarity are the keys to establishing new friendships. 

The last question is important because if you can show up in the same place, at the same time, in a place with the right people, you’ll inevitably make new friends. 

Incidentally, that’s why religion works so well (not that I’m necessarily promoting it) – it’s great at connecting people through an accepted ritual of showing up at the same place, same time, every week. 

The final question to ask is:  

 

What are my values? Does this person share them? 

If you don’t share the same core values (for instance, creativity, compassion, faith, or loyalty), your friendship won’t be that deep.

If you’re fine with surface-level friendships, that’s fine. There are different friendships for different circumstances. There are friends of convenience, casual friends, close friends, best friends, and many other types.

But if you’re like me, you enjoy deeper connections, which is why knowing your core values is important. One great way of discovering these is by asking yourself, 

“What is most important to me in life? What couldn’t I live without?”

When You Can’t Find Friends

Sometimes you’re in a place in life where it’s hard to make friends in person.

Maybe you have no space, energy, or time after your busy work week. Perhaps there are too many responsibilities on your plate, like being a live-in carer to a parent, partner, or child with a disability.

Maybe geographically you live in a very isolated place (like where I live) or in a city or country with people who don’t share the same interests or values as you (as in the case of a free spirit living in a highly religious or conservative country).

Maybe you’re still highly traumatized and your nervous system doesn’t allow you to relax around others, or you’re still sensitive and tender after going through an existential crisis or dark night.

Whatever the case, sometimes the cards aren’t in our favor. 

Sometimes life asks that you seek friendship in alternative ways.

In this situation, I take comfort from what Anne Frank writes in The Diary of a Young Girl:

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God … As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.

Other than taking solace in nature, animals, and your connection to the Divine, there is always the online world.

There are many communities out there and spaces to directly connect with others in an ongoing way. 

Amid all of this, learning to be your own best friend through the power of self-love and inner work in general will help you to be a good friend when the time comes to befriend another.

 

Losing all your friends can feel like a tragedy, something shameful, painful, or depressing. 

But it can also be a gift in that it offers you the chance to start over, begin anew, and find people who do resonate with you on a deeper level.

Aletheia

Molecules of Emotion

Emotions, are not simply chemicals in the brain. 

They are electrochemical signals that carry emotional messages throughout the body. 

These signals, a mixture of peptides, have far reaching effects.

“As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body – and sending out vibrations to other people.”

The energy you emanate from within 

attracts the situations and people 

that you need. 

How emotions have such a powerful effect?

We’re not just little hunks of meat. 

We’re vibrating like a tuning fork — we send out a vibration to other people. 

We broadcast and receive. 

Thus the emotions orchestrate the interactions among all our organs and systems to control that.

Neurotransmitters called peptides carry emotional messages. 

These messages change the chemistry of our body’s cells. 

This is all mainstream science, but it doesn’t explain how one person’s emotions can affect another person and the larger world. 

You’re still thinking about this as chemistry.

Of course it is chemistry, but it’s also physics and vibrations. 

Neurotransmitters are chemicals, but they carry an electrical charge. 

The electrical signals in our brains and bodies affect the way cells interact and function.

You have receptors on every cell in your body. 

They actually are little mini electrical pumps. 

When the receptor is activated by a matching “molecule of emotion” the receptor passes a charge into the cell changing the cell’s electrical frequency as well as its chemistry.

Just as our individual cells carry an electrical charge, so does the body as a whole. 

Like an electromagnet generating a field, people have a positive charge above their heads and a negative charge below. 

So we’re actually sending out various electrical signals – vibrations.

We’re all familiar with one kind of vibration: 

When we talk, we send a vibration through the air that someone else perceives as sound. 

We’re also sending out other kinds of vibrations. It’s a basic law of physics that when you are close to an energy source it has a greater effect and that diminishes as you move further away. 

But when you are far away there is no effect.

You’re not alone. You are connected to everybody else. 

Your emotions are key. 

And you are leaving a wake, changing the world around you in a huge way.

The “bliss response” is closely connected to the opiate receptor. 

Just as the receptors for other neuropeptides trigger a cellular response, opiate receptors pick up the presence of a neurotransmitter for euphoria. The naturally occurring “bliss chemicals” are called endorphins, and they are released in the brain and body in response to emotional states and to physical activities (including exercise and nursing).

The way endorphins work is evidence of bliss as an evolutionary necessity. 

That’s why endorphins are such highly conserved molecules. 

It’s the same in simple one-celled creatures and in humans. 

The opiate receptor it’s in our frontal cortex, the most advanced part of our brains.

It’s like we’re designed to make choices around pleasure. 

The very highest, most intelligent part of our brain is drenched in receptors to make us use pleasure as a criterion for our decisions. So it’s okay to feel good.

While it’s clear that the “bliss receptors” are centered in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that makes evaluative and complex decisions, there isn’t a clear reason.

Scientists can never ask why. They can only ask ‘what’ and ‘how.’ 

But we know that the vibration in these receptors mediates, or leads, to the whole organism feeling bliss. And how that endorphin vibration is really the bliss of union and divine union.

So when we create that kind of resonance internally, we are in line with that divine self. True bliss represents an optimal state of functioning. This state is the natural function, but our society interferes. You don’t have to teach this to native peoples. Most of us have lost touch with that reality. Most of us seem to be locked in a grim struggle constantly rushing off to the next thing. 

So while it may be natural to be in bliss, we have to learn again to feel our natural state of bliss, to feel the spiritual nature of everything around us, every moment. This doesn’t have to do with church. It doesn’t have to do with whether you were bad or good. 

It’s about feeling good.

1. Emotions are the biochemical link between mind and body

Emotions and bodily sensations are thus intricately intertwined, in a bidirectional network in which each can alter the other.

The mind-body connection. 

For centuries, scientists and philosophers have debated the relationship between mind and body. Dr. Candace Pert's groundbreaking research has revealed that emotions are the missing link in this complex interplay. Emotions are not just abstract feelings, but have a physical basis in the form of biochemical substances called neuropeptides and their receptors.

Emotional intelligence. 

This discovery challenges the traditional view of emotions as purely mental phenomena, suggesting instead that they are integral to the functioning of our entire organism. By understanding and harnessing the power of our emotions, we can potentially influence our physical health and well-being. This concept of emotional intelligence extends beyond psychological well-being to encompass physiological processes throughout the body.

Implications for health. 

The recognition of emotions as a bridge between mind and body has profound implications for healthcare. It suggests that addressing emotional issues may be crucial for treating physical ailments, and conversely, that physical interventions may impact our emotional state. This holistic approach to health challenges the compartmentalized view of traditional medicine and opens up new avenues for treatment and prevention of diseases.

2. Neuropeptides and receptors form the molecules of emotion

Let's look at the brain as a machine for not merely filtering and storing this sensory input, but for associating it with other events or stimuli occurring simultaneously at any synapse or receptor along the way—that is, learning.

Biochemical messengers. 

Neuropeptides are small protein-like molecules that act as messengers in the body. They are produced by neurons and other cells, and can bind to specific receptors on cell surfaces. This binding process triggers a cascade of cellular events that can influence mood, behavior, and physiological processes.

Widespread distribution. 

Contrary to earlier beliefs, neuropeptides and their receptors are not confined to the brain. They are found throughout the body, including in the immune system, gut, and other organs. This widespread distribution forms the basis of the psychosomatic network, allowing for communication between different bodily systems.

Learning and memory. 

The interaction between neuropeptides and receptors plays a crucial role in learning and memory formation. When we experience an event, the associated emotional state is encoded along with the sensory information. This explains why certain memories can evoke strong emotional responses, and why emotional states can influence our perception and interpretation of events.

3. The psychosomatic network connects all bodily systems

Information! It is the missing piece that allows us to transcend the body-mind split of the Cartesian view, because by definition, information belongs to neither mind nor body, although it touches both.

Interconnected systems. 

The psychosomatic network is a complex web of communication that connects the nervous, endocrine, and immune systems. This network allows for rapid information exchange throughout the body, coordinating responses to internal and external stimuli.

Information flow. 

At the heart of this network is the concept of information flow. Neuropeptides and their receptors act as the carriers of this information, transmitting messages that can influence every aspect of our physiology. This flow of information is bidirectional, allowing for feedback loops and complex interactions between different bodily systems.

Holistic functioning. 

The psychosomatic network challenges the traditional view of the body as a collection of separate systems. Instead, it presents a holistic model where mental, emotional, and physical processes are intricately connected. This understanding has profound implications for how we approach health and disease, suggesting that interventions in one area can have far-reaching effects throughout the entire organism.

4. Emotional expression is crucial for health and well-being

All honest emotions are positive emotions.

Emotional release. 

Expressing emotions is not just psychologically beneficial, but physiologically necessary. When emotions are repressed or denied, the flow of information through the psychosomatic network can become blocked, potentially leading to physical and mental health issues.

Toxicity of repression. 

Chronic suppression of emotions can create a state of "emotional toxicity" in the body. This can manifest as physical symptoms, mood disorders, or a general sense of unease. By contrast, allowing ourselves to experience and express the full range of emotions – including those we might label as negative – can help maintain the free flow of information through the psychosomatic network.

Healthy emotional habits. 

Developing healthy habits for emotional expression is crucial for overall well-being. 

This might include:

• Journaling or creative expression
• Talking with a trusted friend or therapist
• Engaging in physical activities that facilitate emotional release (e.g., dance, martial arts)
• Practicing mindfulness to become more aware of our emotional states

5. Consciousness and intention can influence bodily processes

Full consciousness must involve awareness of not just mental but emotional and even basic physical experiences as well.

Mind over matter. 

Conscious awareness and intention can have a direct impact on our physiology. By becoming more aware of our bodily sensations and emotional states, we can potentially influence the flow of information through the psychosomatic network.

Visualization techniques. 

One powerful way to harness this mind-body connection is through visualization. By consciously imagining specific physiological processes, we may be able to influence them. For example, visualizing the release of endorphins might help alleviate pain or improve mood.

Practical applications. 

This understanding of the power of consciousness has practical applications in various fields:

• Pain management
• Stress reduction
• Immune system enhancement
• Addiction treatment
• Performance optimization in sports and other areas

6. Dreams provide valuable insight into the bodymind connection

Dreams are direct messages from your bodymind, giving you valuable information about what's going on physiologically as well as emotionally.

Nightly processing. 

Dreams serve as a nightly process of information integration and emotional processing. During sleep, the psychosomatic network is engaged in sorting through the day's experiences and emotions, potentially releasing stored information and rebalancing the system.

Dream journaling. 

Keeping a dream journal can be a powerful tool for tapping into the wisdom of the bodymind. By recording and reflecting on our dreams, we can gain insights into our emotional and physical states that might not be apparent during waking hours. Dr. Pert suggests writing down both the narrative content and the associated emotions of dreams.

Health insights. 

Dreams may serve as an early warning system for physical health issues. By paying attention to recurring themes or sensations in our dreams, we might become aware of developing health problems before they manifest as obvious symptoms. This underscores the importance of taking our dream life seriously as part of a holistic approach to health.

7. Alternative therapies can effectively tap into the psychosomatic network

Many psychologists have interpreted depression as suppressed anger; Freud, tellingly, described depression as anger redirected against oneself.

Body-based approaches. 

Many alternative therapies, such as massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic care, work by directly engaging with the body's psychosomatic network. These approaches can help release blocked emotions and restore the free flow of information throughout the body.

Emotional release techniques. 

Therapies that focus on emotional release, such as bioenergetics or certain forms of yoga, can be particularly effective in addressing emotional blockages. These approaches often combine physical movement or manipulation with conscious awareness to facilitate the release of stored emotions.

Integrative healthcare. 

An ideal healthcare approach would integrate these alternative therapies with conventional medical treatments. This could involve:

• Combining massage or acupuncture with traditional pain management techniques
• Using mindfulness practices alongside psychotherapy
• Incorporating body-based therapies into treatment plans for chronic diseases

8. Environmental toxins disrupt the body's natural balance

Environmental pollutants within our bodies are mimicking and disrupting the action of our sex hormones—estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone—which run the male and female reproductive systems.

Toxic burden. 

Our modern environment exposes us to an unprecedented number of chemical toxins. These substances can interfere with the delicate balance of our psychosomatic network, potentially leading to a wide range of health issues.

Hormone disruption. 

Many environmental toxins act as endocrine disruptors, interfering with the body's natural hormone balance. This can have far-reaching effects on our physical and emotional health, as hormones play a crucial role in the psychosomatic network.

Detoxification strategies. 

To counter these environmental threats, Dr. Pert and other experts recommend:

• Eating organic foods when possible
• Avoiding processed foods and those with artificial additives
• Using natural cleaning and personal care products
• Supporting the body's natural detoxification processes through diet and lifestyle choices
• Regular exercise to promote sweating and toxin elimination

9. Meditation and mindfulness reduce stress and promote healing

Meditation, by allowing long-buried thoughts and feelings to surface, is a way of getting the peptides flowing again, returning the body, and the emotions, to health.

Stress reduction. 

Meditation and mindfulness practices have been shown to significantly reduce stress levels. From the perspective of the psychosomatic network, this can be understood as a rebalancing of neuropeptide levels and receptor activity throughout the body.

Emotional processing. 

Regular meditation practice can facilitate the processing and release of stored emotions. By creating a space of non-judgmental awareness, meditation allows suppressed feelings to surface and be integrated, promoting emotional and physical healing.

Practical techniques. 

There are many forms of meditation and mindfulness practices, including:

• Transcendental Meditation (TM)
• Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
• Guided visualization
• Breath awareness
• Body scan meditation

10. A holistic approach to health integrates physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being

Health and happiness are often mentioned in the same breath, and maybe this is why: Physiology and emotions are inseparable.

Multidimensional wellness. 

True health encompasses not just physical well-being, but emotional and spiritual dimensions as well. Dr. Pert's research on the psychosomatic network provides a scientific basis for this holistic approach to health.

Lifestyle choices. 

Achieving optimal health involves making conscious choices in multiple areas of life:

• Diet and nutrition
• Physical activity
• Emotional expression and processing
• Stress management
• Sleep and rest
• Social connections
• Spiritual or contemplative practices

Personal responsibility. 

This holistic approach empowers individuals to take an active role in their own health. By understanding the interconnectedness of mind, body, and emotions, we can make informed choices that support our overall well-being. This shift from a passive to an active stance in healthcare has the potential to revolutionize how we approach both prevention and treatment of disease.

What are the key takeaways of the book, 

Molecules of Emotion?

Biochemical Basis of Emotions: 

Emotions are not just psychological experiences but have a biochemical foundation, with neuropeptides acting as messengers in the body.

Unity of Body and Mind: 

The book argues for a holistic view of health, where the mind and body are seen as one integrated system, challenging the Cartesian dualism that separates them.

Role of Receptors: 

The discovery of opiate receptors illustrates how our bodies have natural mechanisms for experiencing pleasure and pain, influenced by emotional states.

What are the best quotes from 

Molecules of Emotion 

and what do they mean?

• "The body is not a mindless machine; the body and mind are one.": 

This quote encapsulates the central theme that our physical and emotional health are interconnected, challenging the traditional view of separation.

• "God is a neuropeptide.": 

This provocative statement suggests that spirituality and consciousness can be rooted in biological processes, inviting readers to reconsider the relationship between science and spirituality.

• "If one is going to kill the king, then one should never wound him, but finish the job and be done with it.": 

Reflects the competitive nature of scientific research and the importance of decisiveness in achieving success.

How does 

Molecules of Emotion 

challenge traditional scientific views?

Mind-Body Dualism: 

The book challenges the Cartesian view that separates the mind and body, arguing for their unity through biochemical interactions.

Emotions as Biological Processes: 

It presents evidence that emotions are not merely psychological phenomena but have tangible biological underpinnings.

Integration of Thought: 

The author bridges Eastern philosophies emphasizing the mind-body connection with Western scientific approaches, advocating for a holistic understanding of health.

What role 

do neuropeptides play in our emotions 

according to 

Molecules of Emotion?

Chemical Messengers: 

Neuropeptides act as chemical messengers, transmitting signals between cells and influencing emotional states and physical responses.

Link to Health: 

They are integral to understanding the connection between emotions and physical health, suggesting that emotional well-being can impact overall health.

Regulation of Behavior: 

Neuropeptides are involved in regulating behaviors, including stress responses, pain perception, and feelings of pleasure.

How does 

Molecules of Emotion 

address the mind-body connection?

Interconnected Systems: 

The book argues that the mind and body are part of a unified system where emotions influence physical health.

Scientific Evidence: 

It provides studies demonstrating how emotional experiences can lead to physiological changes, supporting the mind-body connection.

Practical Implications: 

Readers are encouraged to recognize the importance of emotional health, suggesting that addressing emotional issues can lead to improved physical health outcomes.

What is the significance of 

the opiate receptor in 

Molecules of Emotion?

Discovery: 

The identification of the opiate receptor plays a crucial role in how the body responds to pain and pleasure, linking emotional states to physical sensations.

Implications for Addiction: 

Understanding the opiate receptor has significant implications for addiction treatment, revealing interactions with substances like morphine and heroin.

Foundation for Research: 

The discovery opened the door for further exploration into neuropeptides and their receptors, advancing understanding of mental health and emotional well-being.

How does Chopra define 

the psychosomatic network in 

Molecules of Emotion?

Interconnected Systems: 

The psychosomatic network is a complex system where the mind and body communicate through biochemical signals.

Role of Neuropeptides: 

Neuropeptides act as messengers conveying emotional information throughout the body, influencing both emotional states and physical health.

Holistic Healing: 

The network underscores the importance of holistic healing approaches that address both emotional and physical aspects of health.

What practical advice 

does Chopra offer for emotional healing in

 Molecules of Emotion?

Meditation and Mindfulness: 

Regular practice can help individuals connect with their emotions and promote a sense of inner peace.

Body Awareness: 

Engaging in bodywork, such as massage or yoga, is recommended to release stored emotions and enhance the flow of neuropeptides.

Journaling and Dream Work: 

Keeping a journal and recording dreams can help individuals process their feelings and gain insights into their emotional states.

How does Chopra 

connect spirituality to health in 

Molecules of Emotion?

Spiritual Dimension of Healing: 

Spirituality is seen as essential for health, fostering a sense of connection and purpose.

Unity of Mind, Body, and Spirit: 

True healing requires addressing all three aspects, advocating for a holistic approach that incorporates spiritual practices.

Personal Transformation: 

Chopra shares his spiritual journey, encouraging readers to explore their spirituality to enhance emotional and physical well-being.

Dr. Candace Pert

in, Molecules of Emotion