When Your Ideal Future Is No Longer Possible

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You are always contrasting 

two models: 

what you think is happening 

versus 

what you want to have happen.

 

You feel anxiety wherever there is a deviation — when what you want to happen is not what is happening. 

You also experience a sense of curiosity as well; you are impelled to explore. 

But anxiety surfaces first. 

The larger the magnitude of the unexpected occurrence, the greater the amount of anxiety. 

Perhaps you have three plans to get from 

the unbearable present (what is) 

to the ideal future (what should be). 

If two plans produce outcomes that are not what you envision, you still have one remaining option. Those are minor distributions that produce a certain amount of anxiety and exploratory behavior, but this becomes a matter of switching plans. 

If the third plan works, you are able to maintain the same vision of yourself and of your future. 

However, if the third plan does not work, your potential to move forward and away from the version of the unbearable present is no longer feasible. 

You have conceived yourself as a person with a set number of potentials and with a vision of the future (i.e., your story about yourself). Everything you have done up to this particular point has been predicated on the notion that your ideal future is where you are going. 

When that changes and your ideal future is no longer possible, you are cast into chaos. 

What is to be done when the events that you gave determinate significance because this particular plan has been cast into chaos? 

To mitigate anxiety and regulate your emotions, 

you must discern who you are, 

what you are to do, and 

where you are going. 

This is achieved by modifying your version of yourself. 

When a major distribution as such occurs, there must be a new ideal future. 

Dr. Jordan B. Peterson