In another life

 

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In another life, I could’ve loved you.

Our rivers intertwined as they can often do,

our flows becoming one, when they were once two.

In another life, I might have met you,

but the sky’s gone all blue.

For this is not that life,

and I will never be your wife.

In another life, I would be in a white dress,

walking down an aisle to confess

my love for you.

We’d promise each other to be forever true.

But those would only be pretty lies,

and overtime, we would grow to despise.

In another life, maybe we could work it out,

maybe we could get through this drought.

The storm would finally end,

and our love would transcend,

all obstacles.

In another life, you could’ve loved me,

and I might’ve let you.

But I let you say goodbye and cried later that night,

at another life that might’ve been.

Desconhecido

Why You’re Still Stuck

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You’ve done inner work.

You’ve read the books, watched many videos, and maybe even sat in therapy.

But why do the same painful patterns keep returning?

Why do you still feel trapped in relationships that aren’t working?

Why do you still cycle through shame, guilt, anxiety, and loneliness—when you know better?

 

Over the past 45 years, I’ve worked with thousands of adult children of narcissistic, enmeshed, emotionally immature families. And no matter how unique their story, I’ve found their struggles almost always come back to this:

They’re caught in the 3 R’s:

 

1. Recycling

You’re not changing—you’re adjusting.

You're adapting in smarter, more mature ways, but the system stays the same.

You swing the pendulum: compliance → resentment → withdrawal → return → repeat.

You think you’ve found a new pattern—but really, you’ve just landed on the opposite pole of the same dysfunctional dance.

Real change doesn’t come from flipping the script.

It comes from stepping outside the script entirely.

2. Reactivity

You get triggered.

It’s understandable—but it’s also predictable.

Your emotional responses have been patterned since childhood.

When someone criticizes you, you don't just feel annoyed—you feel powerless.

When a parent shames you, you don’t just feel hurt—you feel like a child inside.

This isn’t just about emotion—it’s about programming.

Reacting is not the same as responding.

Reactivity means your emotions are in the driver’s seat—and your true Self is nowhere to be found.

3. Relationships Aren’t Working

You want connection, but your relationships feel like roller coasters—or dead ends.

It’s not because you’re incapable of love.

It’s because your internal relationship map was written by a dysfunctional system.

You learned that closeness = compliance, love = sacrifice, connection = anxiety.

Even with good people, these patterns hijack your ability to feel safe, seen, and free.

The truth is, most of us are still living in our family’s “superself”—the unconscious emotional programming of our dysfunctional upbringing.

It shapes what we notice, what we feel, how we react, and how we show up in every relationship.

Until we learn how to detach from the superself, we’ll keep recycling the same dynamics, reacting the same way, and choosing relationships that never truly nourish us.

 

The good news is: there is a way out.

You don’t have to keep living from their script.

You can break free from the patterns that were never truly yours to begin with—

And begin living as your calm, clear, differentiated Self.

You deserve that.

You’ve always deserved that.

Stay calm and stay self-differentiated,

Jerry Wise